The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever

The most cliche villains ever appear

"We're on a boat," screamed everyone.

"SHUT UP, YOU'VE BEEN SCREAMING THAT FOR THE LAST TEN HOURS," shrieked the only sane person on the boat that was Shrek, who had still not gotten out of the hot tub.

"The author is stressed, guys, give them a break," said literally no one ever.

The author died inside.

Meanwhile, Nico and I were having a blast in the pool. (A/N: You had better get this reference.)

"We are having a blast in the pool," we exclaimed. My lilting voice was like a freshly watered weasel on a warm day, like the babbling of a cat that had just burst into song. In short, it was beautiful.

But in truth, the bubbling of the pool drowned out the buzz in my head. It was soothing.

Nico looked at me with starry chocolate orbs, which I then plucked out and ate, because they were chocolate and they were too pretty not to eat.

"You just grabbed my eyes and ate them but you're so hot," Nico gushed delightfully, fanboying over my brilliance.

His eyes were gone, so I have no idea how he managed to catch a glimpse of my magnificence, but I didn't mind. Love is blind after all.

My cheeks turned a shade of dusty antique rose blush. "Because I'm shiny and humble," I whispered to the camera.

I then did a perfect somersault in the pool and horked up Nico's warm brown orbs. They did a 360 in the air and landed perfectly on the surface of the water, bobbing joyfully.

Nico blushed because I'm hot and I can do everything, in my humble opinion.

He grabbed them and carefully jammed them back into his eye sockets. Then he leaned over for a gentle kiss.

"Ew tf," said a Solangelo shipper.

"Just go with it," the author whispered.

"Evangelico for life," cheered a shipper from the sidelines.

"You shut up," said the author.

"Guys," said Annabeth, dragging Percy into the pool. "I'm super hot and bratty."

"Can we get back to the main plot yet?" Asked a bored reader.

Billy Joe farted.

- Time skip brought to you by the resident Rogrebreath that is in charge of filing the Kingwitch's toenails-

"Guys, I think we're nearing land," said Piper jealously. She was still salty that I was hotter than her. And smarter. And more modest.

Suddenly, Hera descended from Olympus to land on our ship, which was kind of random of the author, but whatever.

"She's obviously about to deliver a prophecy that's all about me," Annabeth bragged, clinging onto Percy's arm as if she were a weasel in summer that particularly enjoyed farting.

"You're gross," Percy said half heartedly. "Evangel is ten times cooler and hotter and warmer than you are."

Annabeth gasped croakily and judo flipped herself onto the deck like a Magikarp.

"Fahrenheit should be banned," Shrek said. This caused a controversy between him and the large sea monster that lives in Finland, and they began arguing on Twitter.

"I SAID, CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MAIN PLOT ALREADY," the reader screamed.

"No ❤️ ," the author said.

"Dammit."

"LISTEN UP YOU MORONS, BECAUSE I'M ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE," Hera shouted, brandishing a large god-size megaphone.

"EVANGEL UR A KWEEN AND U DESERVE THE BEST GURLIE," The queen of the gods announced. "Oh yeah also the evil armies are coming to attack you right about now but that's not important. Evangel, sign my forehead!"

I was flattered. "Oh my."

The boys swooned. Nico whispered something in a husky voice.

I took a pen that was conveniently in my pocket (because I'm very resourceful) and signed my name on Hera's forehead. I even added quirky skulls over the 'i's.

"My waifu," Nico announced handsomely.

I blushed hotly. "Swoon," I said, my beautiful face not betraying a sign of affection for Nico because that's apparently considered weak.

"Guys, look, a fleet of funny ships," Annabeth said like the ditz she was, pointing to some giant warships sailing towards us on the horizon.

Everyone screamed like little girls, except for me and Neeksies. We stood on the deck bravely, our swords brandished.

"I am here," we said in an All Mightesque fashion.

"So hot," said all the guys, referring to me.

"Ugh, I'm so useless and jealous," the girls said.

"Detective, shut the frick up," said some random guy.

I grabbed the wheel like the alluring shrexy beast I am and steered the ship towards the army that was bobbing pathetically towards us on the waves.

"Evangel Seminary - pirate mode!" I jumped up in the air and twirled, my outfit burning away into a shower of sparkles. I replaced them with pirate robes made of silk and put on a cute pirate hat with a lovely skull on it. I quirkily waved my wand, which was also pirate themed.

"That is so hot," Nico said.

He too jumped up and twirled happily, his clothes getting replaced by hot pirate stuff that displayed his chiseled abs nicely.

"We look like pieces of wet lettuce compared to this awesome power couple," everyone fangirled admiringly.

Nico smiled at me and pecked me on the cheek. "Shall we dance?" He said handsomely, gesturing towards the army of bad dudes that were slowly approaching.

"Yes, I am," I said in a very badass way.

The author keeled over and died from the awesome vibes that our relationship radiated.

(A/N: this chapter was a bit short. I don't think I will be able to update my other books any time soon either because I feel like I'm slowly becoming dumber and this person  Violunaviking refuses to lend me any notes.

Thank you for understanding and excuse me, for now I will jump off Pride Rock.)