BTS - The Eighth Member

Self-Confidence

I'd been poking about in my bathroom for an hour, I knew the guys would be annoyed that I wasn't ready yet but I wasn't feeling myself today.

I'd tried on four different outfits, none of which I liked, I thought they sat on my body weird. And I'd had my hair at least six different ways but kept wrenching it out every-time, hating the way it looked.

Usually I didn't bother with makeup but with the way my hair and outfit were going I decided to do a light look. It made me look a little more presentable but didn't fill me with much confidence.

"Kid?" Hobi's voice rang on the other side of the door as he knocked lightly, "You've been in there ages. Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"No. No I'm fine." I assured, just finishing dabbing makeup on my face, "Coming now." I opened the door and put on a smile.

"Since when did you wear makeup to vocal practice?" Hoseok joked, but I panicked a little.

"Why? Does it look bad?" I was already disappointed that my fashion had resorted to an oversized hoodie and leggings with my hair in a awkward bun, if my makeup was bad I thought I might cry.

"No. No of course not." Hobi spoke quickly, "You look gorgeous as always. Come on." He ushered me down the hallway towards the rest of the guys.

They all looked so put together and I looked like I just rolled out of bed. I mentally cursed myself for not trying harder to present a better version of myself.

"Ohhh," Jimin looked up from his phone, rolling his eyes, "Our majesty has finally decided to join us."

I gave him a death stare, "I will have you arrested."

"I'm so scared." He raised an eyebrow, "Hey, isn't that my hoodie?"

I shuffled my feet a bit. It was his, but it was doing a good job of hiding my body so I wanted to keep it on. Whatever what wrong with me today, I just felt like everything was proportioned wrong and I was embarrassing myself with every step I took, "Yes. I'll change if you want it back."

"Ah, Hyung!" Jungkook complained, "You can get the jumper back later, we've already been waiting 20 minutes on her."

"Sorry for being such an inconvenience." I mumbled, biting the inside of my lip. Without another word I made my way outside to the van that was waiting to take us to the studio.

"Hana, wait!" JK called after me, "You know that's not what I meant."

Much to my annoyance Jungkook squeezed in next to me in the van, trying his best to explain himself. Ignoring him I pulled the hood of the jumper over my head, trying to tell him I was in no mood to talk. It was rude, I know that, but I wanted to just curl up in bed and never return, that way no one would have to see me.

Keeping my head down, as paparazzi insisted on photographing us, I made my way inside the building. The pictures that came from that would only spark more hate towards me, only souring my mood even more.

We were recording the track for Young Forever today. I had a lot of solo lines in this, in addition to harmonies, so I was high key panicking. There would be a lot of pressure on me, and with the pressure I was already putting on myself I didn't know if I could handle it.

The guys talked among themselves as the producers got the studio set up. I stood in the corner by myself, running my vocals. My voice kept cracking, which was only irritating me further, "Idiot just get it right." I muttered, trying again.

As per usual the rap-line recorded first, it went by without any hitches, only having to re-record a few parts. Then my turn came. And it was a complete disaster.

My voice was shaking, causing it to be inconsistent with each take, I was struggling to reach my low notes, and the voice in my head was constantly telling me that I was letting them all down and I should quit on the spot.

"I'm so sorry." I pulled the headphones off my ears after the 5th re-record of the same line I kept messing up, "Can you record Taehyung's part first? I need five minutes. I hate to be a diva but I need to get my voice under control."

The producer nodded from outside the booth, beckoning me to come out.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "I'll be back in a minute." I informed the staff and my members before exiting the room.

"Useless."

"Disappointment."

"Diva."

"Quit."

"They hate you."

Comments from my saboteur floated around my head, although I hadn't made these up myself, these insults had been common under my posts for a while now. And I was beginning to wonder if they were right.

I pushed my way into a nearby empty studio, sliding down the wall and hanging my head in my hands. I tried to steady my shaking breathing but I couldn't help it when a tear rolled down my cheek, creating a little puddle on the carpeted floor.

"Hey, Kiddo." I looked up to see Yoongi, tears filling my eyes, he was probably so disappointed. Without another word he slid down the wall next to me, creating a comfortable silence, punctuated by my sniffles.

"You probably hate me." I choked out a forced laugh.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." He smiled lightly.

"I'm sorry I'm such a disaster. I don't mean to disappoint or annoy you guys, it would probably be better if I quit."

"Hana, don't say that." Yoongi's eyes softened, "Everyone has their down days. We just gotta be there for each other when they come. Celebrate our wins, accept our loses, you know?"

"But the down days just don't stop sometimes." I let another pitiful tear escape.

"Kid, you're the most sweet, genuine, resilient person I know. If anyone can beat the down days, it's you."

"I don't know if I can beat them Yoongi-Oppa, I really don't know if I can." I lay my head on his shoulder.

"You don't necessarily have to beat them," He paused, "You have to accept them, and know, that not feeling the best all the time is okay, and normal."

"You're the best at this, you know that?" I smiled lightly, still rested on his shoulder.

"It's because I've been in that position before, and if I could tell a younger version of myself what I know now, and what I'm telling you now,I know it would've helped a lot."

"You know you've got me for your down days too, right?" I sat up, shuffling round to face him, "Always."

"Always." He answered.

A/N: Idk how I feel about this one, I liked the way I wrote Yoongi and Hana's part, I think. But I'm not sure about the rest of it. Let me know what you think and as always if you have any requests or ideas you can comment them or message me. See you next time!