preteen!sean: i think i'm having a midlife crisis
teen!hotch: sean, you're eleven.
sean: I MIGHT DIE AT 22
reid: i'm moronsexual. this means i'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses only.
alvez: so you're telling me "bro" ISN'T an abbreviation for "broccoli"????
reid, already unbuttoning his shirt: oh, luke, you're so fucking stupid
rossi: sticks and stones may break my bones,
langston: but words hurt me even worse!
rossi: kid—
langston: i told myself i wasn't gonna watch any disney sequels because they're all irrelevant cash grabs.
langston: i watched lady and the tramp 2.
langston: i cried.
morgan, on the anniversary of prentiss' fake death: this day, four years ago, was the worst day of my life.
prentiss, eating chips: because i bled out and died right in front of you?
morgan: no, because it was a little humid
morgan: YES BECAUSE YOU BLED OUT AND DIED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
prentiss: *grabs the car keys*
langston and reid: *following her*
rossi: where are you three going?
langston: uhh, either to get ice cream or commit a felony. we'll decide in the car
rossi: okay! be back by nine
hotch: they are federal agents. why do you encourage this
reid: I STILL HAVE YOUR SWEATSHIRT
alvez: YEAH WELL I STILL HAVE YOUR VIRGINITY
everyone else in the bullpen, including reid: *screaming internally*
[at the hospital after rossi got shot on a case]
hotch: how are you feeling, dave?
rossi: i'm fine, mother hen. they've got me so hopped up on pain meds, i probably couldn't feel the wound even if you pressed on it.
hotch, looking at langston, who's lying in the bed pressed against rossi's side while rossi plays with his hair: oh, I'M the mother hen?
rossi: i just got SHOT
rossi: AND YOU'RE BULLYING ME
