Tay and New

Sturm und Drang

"That was thoughtless of me" Tay walked to and fro the length of the kitchen as New busied himself preparing their breakfast. The whole area was a mess of bowls, spoons, and pancake batter.

It was a beautiful day, almost perfect, if not for the constant beeping of New's phone. The older man stared with dread at the device that was docked in its charging nook.

"I couldn't agree more" New finished whisking the batter and set it aside before approaching his phone with a weary expression.

"It's interesting the number of people who are suddenly curious about us," the younger man continued as he checked the contraption like it was something alien. He browsed briefly through some of the messages before putting it back.

Tay approached New tentatively. "Could it be because the popularity of our ship has risen quite a lot over the past year?"

"Maybe. Or, it could also be because we're both men and so the whole world think it's mind-blowing. Amusing, isn't it" New said as he turned just in time to receive a hug from Tay.

"You're angry" Tay mumbled through a mass of hair.

"I am. But not at you," he held the other tighter.

"Because Tay, whether it was a notes app letter or a handwritten explanation, the turnout would've been the same. People wouldn't see the whole story because their minds would focus only on our genders and the fact that we are fucking"

Tay unwound himself from the embrace, scandalized, "We make love. That's romantic!"

'To-mah-to, to-may-to it's the same thing" New's smile was rigid. He prepped the frying pan over the stove but Tay was quick to grab the bowl of batter before he could get his hands on it.

"These pancakes won't be as soft and fluffy if you make them while you're angry. Scoot over" Tay took the spot by the stove and donned his I-am-seriously-a-chef expression. New couldn't be more grateful for how observant his partner could be.

"I'll just wash up. We need to be early for that press conference"

Tay only hummed a reply. His whole concentration seemed to be drawn to the blob of batter in the pan.
New discreetly grabbed his phone and dropped it in his pocket before Tay could notice.

From the confines of his bathroom, New sat at the edge of the tub and went through the contents of his phone.

As expected, there were dozens of messages from unknown numbers asking him about his relationship with Tay. He skipped through them. There were several messages from his close friends who offered their good wishes. He replied with a few emojis. Another few dozen came from his mother who wanted to know if Tay was with him. He replied with a simple, "Yes" because he knew that it would drive her mad.

And finally, he arrived on one of the messages that caught his attention earlier. It was from a high school classmate who sent the message directly to him instead of posting it on their group chat like the others. The message read, "Congratulations. I didn't know you were gay"

He caressed the screen of his phone with his thumb, going through each word as if they could mean something different.

He was sure that a question pertaining to his sexuality would come up during the press conference. New realized how preoccupied he had been with trying to gain the acceptance of the people close to them that it barely crossed his mind how the rest of the world will see and perceive them.

"Because it should not matter," he whispered as if the world was listening.

They never listen, he thought bitterly.

He was too lost in his thoughts that he did not notice when a hand took hold of his and gently pried the phone away from his tight grip.

In the next second, New found himself enveloped in Tay's warmth, the smell of burnt pancakes still lingering on the older man's skin.

"I really can't hide anything from you" New smiled as he buried his face on Tay's chest.

"I will never pry on the things that you want to keep for yourself, Hin but I will always be here to comfort you whether you say those worries out loud or not"

They stayed silent as Tay caressed New's back soothingly.

"They will ask us whether we're gay," New opened hesitantly after a short while.

"They will. Of course, they will. Were you preparing your answer to that?"

"I'll tell them that it's none of their business," New wanted to sound defiant and mature instead of what the media would certainly regard him to be, a petulant kid.

He raised his head a bit to look at Tay, "Are you not curious about my real answer to that question?"

"A little, but I would understand if you don't want to tell me. No one has the right to force this truth out of you," Tay assured him.

"Well, what would you say if I tell you that I'm not gay and that I just really like you," New had heard this particular line many times before in the dramas that he had watched but he never imagined that he would one day use it for a real life situation.

Tay broke from the embrace and led New out of the restroom to the bed where they sat down facing each other.

"Hin, I know you love me despite all these overwhelming changes that's going in your life and I, too, was overwhelmed when you told me that you love me and fought for our relationship but..." Tay combed through his hair frustratedly and let out a deep sigh.

"These labels are not meant to hurt nor constrain you"

"The problem is that we've been raised in an obstinate society where going against the norms meant persecution. But you cannot stay cooped up inside the protection of what the world perceives as normal and acceptable"

"Because one day, you will have to go out and embrace your truth"

New remained silent.

"But if you are not ready to say it out loud just yet, the least you can do is not cover your confusion with half a truth. It's not fair for me, for those who love you, and for yourself"

New let himself fall on the bed and raised a hand for Tay to hold.

"Help me be braver?" New asked softly.

Tay clasped New's hand in his.

——————–————————————————————
"You know there's a big chance that we'll go broke after today," New announced over the sound of the car radio.
"I was thinking the same," Tay replied from the passenger seat of nong polar.

"I'm just throwing it out there so you can prepare for your new role as my sugar daddy," New joked, his eyes remained trained on the road ahead that he couldn't see the smile that bloomed Tay's lips.
"With pleasure. Oh, how I will pamper you my dearest sugar baby," Tay laughed cheekily.