The Rise and Fall of Matt Litter

CHAPTER 10: Lie to the truth

I can hear the Paris crowd scream even before I get on the stage. It's that moment in which the people in charge of lightning turn everything off, and the crowd knows it's about time you get on the stage and blow their minds. It's a moment that no matter how much has passed since it happened for the first time, will never cease to blow my mind. Every crowd is different and that's a fact; and yet, the first time you play somewhere new, it's special. Maybe not for everyone, but it is for us, and it certainly is for me. There's nothing quite like that feeling of getting on a stage without knowing what to expect. It's a scary feeling, of course, but it's got its adrenaline as well.

There are less than two minutes for the moment we've been waiting for. You know how bands sometimes have rituals before they get on stage? Like, I don't know, maybe they say a few words, or gather together, or jump, or something? Well, we high-five each other. I don't know why, exactly, I guess that due to the fact we started with it and it just worked, but... I don't know, it's that little thing we do.

I've got a ring on my hand that I kiss every single night before the start of a show. It's got an olive green stone called peridot in the middle, and sometimes, when the light is right, it looks yellow.

So, we high-five each other, I kiss my ring... and we get on the stage, ready to begin the second leg of our tour.

Regarding what happened before this, after the little 'scene' in that show, Kyle scolded me for the rest of the day (and the tour, actually). He wouldn't leave me alone, and he had to clarify some stuff to some people, same as Janice, and by clarify I mean they had to give statements to the press explaining I was going through a rough patch, and that all remarks made in that show were the product of that... which is bullshit, by the way. Not like I'm not going through a rough patch —I permanently am—, but they forgot to mention the fact, while live, they sort of... bombarded me with awful questions. Questions I had made clear before I didn't want to answer, so... it's not all my fault.

This whole episode in LA gave the label a chance to promote our band and our name (and especially my name) as 'bad boys', at least for the rest of the American tour. Meaning, the tabloids and the news about what happened in LA and the fuzz and scandals I made were good for them, label people... they always find ways to make the good out of horrible situations, out of even the nastiest ones. That's what Kyle says, by the way, and that's what he said when he stopped being pissed at me. Now I just keep on lying when someone asks me about what happened there in LA, and trust me, I've got more questions than you could've ever think of.

Anyway, when the tour back home ended and we had about a month to relax, I kept a low profile (lowest than ever before and trust me, it has always been pretty low) and managed to focus on my things, in my own home. Demian and I took the time to redecorate the apartment, buying a new couch, a bookshelf that took us ages to put together, and some plants for the balcony.

It's funny, the fact that as a kid, I wanted to be away from my house for as much time as I could. I couldn't wait to save enough money and get out of there, I couldn't wait to close the door and never come back. Now, while I'm on tour, I can't wait to be back home. I guess that's one of the benefits of having a home worth returning to...

The show in Paris goes well, and so does the following ones. We've got some interviews in the upcoming days, and Kyle has forbidden me to speak in any of them unless we speak as a band... so now Demian's either speaking alone or with one of the boys. It's usually Martin since Nick hates interviews and Freddy couldn't care less, but they take turns.

The Paris interviewer, for example, brings the whole thing up. He asks Demian and Martin about what happened in LA and even if his questions regarding the whole thing take like a second to be asked, and even if that's not even a quarter of the interview, Demian seems quite serious when it comes to answering. He tells me how he told the interviewer that sometimes, they push too hard with the questions and that personal life is, at the end of the day, personal. He tells me about Martin and how he took the time to speak about his stalker (who the police ended up investigating back home, even if we don't quite know who she is yet), and about how messing with someone's life is, clearly, not okay. Demian also tells me that the interviewer sort of asked them if we shouldn't be used to that, and that of course they told him we aren't, and neither we should. Overall, he tells me, it was a good interview anyway, and that they enjoyed it.