The Rise and Fall of Matt Litter

Chapter 18: The picture kept will remind me

The hour differences first bother me a lot. There is one thing to be in London, but another one is to be in Mosco or even Tokyo. Those are a lot of hours and, worse than that, at least for me, it takes me a lot of time to accommodate to them... I even remember how long it took me the first time I was in Italy, all those years ago. What a city, Rome, and what a bunch of magical moments —all, it gave Demian and I the impulse to take the first step in our thing. It didn't only bring us closer together, but it made us the ultimate soulmates we are.

To think about how much time has passed... I mean, now we have a third album going on, and people are speaking about us once again. It all happened because of some photos of Demian and I going out to eat dinner in Paris, which I have to admit, were taken without us knowing, and then some other pictures in Prague... so let's say it hasn't been our best time with the press. Now with social media and all that stuff, they've become much more inquisitive, and even if I don't manage our band's account, I've been told more than once by the boys that... well, sometimes, some sorts of questions appear. Some questions are about the band, about the album, and the tour... and others, are much more personal... those are the ones that bother us. Especially me.

I talk about it with Nick one time, after many of my pictures with Demian in Prague have been sent to us over and over again via social media.

"Look," Nick says, as he drinks his beer, "I'm not gonna tell you to say 'fuck it' to all of this because that's not what you need to hear, but, you see... you should seriously consider saying 'fuck it' to all of this, man..."

"Gee, thanks, Nick..." I answer, a little bummed.

"No, I mean it."

"Do you think I wouldn't ignore them if I could? I definitely would! But my mind doesn't work like that, man, it just doesn't. I can't beg my brain to just shut up and deal with it, it's much more complicated than that..." I know Nick's got good intentions —I mean it, he always does. And yet, I can't grasp them now.

I take a deep breath.

"Nick?" I say, making him look up from his plate and meet my gaze. "Demian's been talking to me a lot lately, about, you know—"

"I don't, really..."

"About our thing..." Nick's eyes go wide open, and I can see how he suddenly frowns, put down his fork, and stares at me, somehow worried.

"Don't you dare thinking about breaking up—"

"Nah, it's not like that..." I roll my eyes, tired. "It's just... he says it'd be easier for me— us to deal with this whole thing differently... and that means stop trying so hard to deny every single thing they bring up about us, every single rumor, and just... you know, embrace it... publicly," I add, as I bit my lip. Nick's dark eyes are both fixed on me, and he nods the second I finish the sentence... but takes a little longer before he speaks. And that's scary, I've gotta admit, since... well, you know... he's not like that. "Say something, please," I beg him, "before I go insane..." then he smiles, and for a second, I'm at ease again.

"Listen, man, I'm no relationship advisor, I'm the furthest from that you'll ever get, in fact... but listen, uh— this is simple; what you wanna do?" I roll my eyes. If I knew I wouldn't be asking him...

"Well, I don't know... It's not like telling our friends and his family that we're together, it's... embracing the whole thing on a different level, a much more different one than before... and it's— well, different."