Worthy of Sin

Twelve

*excuse any errors*
Zola 'Slim' Monroe || October 1998

School and work seemed to be the only things that kept me going physically because mentally and emotionally, I wasn't there. I wasn't okay.

I was hurt. I was sad as fuck, but above all things, I was pissed! I wanted to burn and break any and everything that reminded me of him, but I valued all of my jewelry and expensive belongings so I wouldn't be doing that.

I wanted to be past this phase of grieving what I thought was actually love because this was the most taunting and confusing part. My mind and heart were in two entirely different places and I was already tired of dealing with this shit.

For the past week, he'd been blowing up my phone and pager. And while I had so much to say, I didn't want to say anything at all in this moment. I was still busy trying to piece shit together and I for damn sure was second guessing everything he told me.

At the current moment, I was sitting in the living room trying to enjoy Maury to the best of my abilities while Kori's roommate went back and forth from the spare closet in the hallway from the living room.

She was packing her shit, along with the help of Kori, and finally getting the hell out of here. I guess she was moving in with her new boyfriend or whatever, but I didn't mind. I was just glad to be getting the bitch out of my space.

A few moments later, Kori appeared holding a few of her items and she retrieved them from her and thanked her. "Is that everything?" Kori asked her and they continued to speak for a while before saying their goodbyes.

With that, she was gone.

Once she was gone, Kori closed and locked her door before plopping down on the love seat with a loud sigh. "What are you in the mood for right now? Some takeout from the spot up the street sounds good right now,"

I glanced over at her before looking back at the T.V. "Mmh, I'm not that hungry." I shrugged, moving my hair to one side and she smacked her lips. "Girl, you've been saying that all week!"

I sighed heavily. I already knew where this conversation was going to lead and I didn't want it to go there. The less I thought about him or mentioned him, the better off I would be. I just wanted to continue focusing on getting past this inconvenience and continue on with my life.

"I already know what it is," She says and I looked over at her, "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Well, you need to. You been walking around here acting like shit is cool, and it's not,"

"Kori, I'm good, bruh—"

"No you not and stop trying to act like you are. I know you, Zo." I could see the concern by the expression on her face and I knew she would continue to press until she got an honest, thorough answer from me.

I guess talking about it would help, I just didn't like to open up about shit like this. I would much rather deal with the shit on my own and just move on the best I could.

"Be real with me. How are you holding up? Has he tried to reach out?"

I turned the T.V. off and turned to give her my full attention. I was going to lay it all out on the table and deal with my emotions and thoughts once and for all and I was gonna be done with it.

Until I would have to face him again, of course.

"I mean, I'm doing the best that I can to get over it but I can't. Like, I'll be fine one minute while I'm at work or at school, but once I'm alone and actually have to deal with my thoughts, I start to feel so many things."