꧁𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯꧂

Why

Tuskishima POV

We got off the Ferris wheel it was so windy it was getting cold
we met up with Hinata and yachi I had a lot on my mind I was happy but as soon as I saw her face I felt bitter Just like a lemon I wasn't OK I just wanted to scream and yell
" hey you OK tuskishima you look irritated"
as soon as I heard those words I snapped out of it I look beside me and I see Hinata I have to be honest this dumbass does come in handy sometimes

" yeah I'm fine I'm not irritated I'm just.....lost in thought"
My mouth was dry I needed water I also felt like I was gonna throw up I felt sick to my stomach
" I...I'm gonna go use the restroom"

I had to get out of there I just didn't want to stay there anymore the atmosphere was suffocating it was like I was the odd one out
I went to the restroom no one was in there thanking the gods I went into the nearest stall I want to cry I got out of the stall and I went to wash my hands I looked into the mirror I realized how pathetic I was  I wanted to cry but I couldn't cry

"I said I was fine with this I said I'm fine I'm OK"
I'm not OK deep inside I want to break down I want to cry I have to keep up the tough boy act just for a little longer endure it you can handle this

"Softyshima you ok"
" yeah I'm OK"
My voice was shaky It sounded as if I was crying

" well whenever you're ready let's get in line for the Ferris wheel again OK
we can talk about it there right here isn't the appropriate place to talk about this"

He was right I don't know why but sometimes he just seems so mature like he's been through this before I got out of the restroom as Hinata was waiting for me outside we went in line for the Ferris wheel again Yamaguchi and Yachi we're way ahead in line they're probably worried but I bet Hinata told them not to worry
We waited another 10-20 minutes till we got on the Ferris wheel again

" OK now that we're alone what's wrong"
" it's nothing it's stupid"
" obviously it's not nothing if you're this worked up about it!"

His voice seemed harsh  but showed a bit of sadness and concern

" it's just I'm so jealous of her she's such a ball of sunshine she's such an angel and I feel so bad for hating her this much for something
she can't control Yamaguchi Liking her"

" it's OK to feel that way it's OK to be envious of others it's OK to know that your hatred for them can't be justified it's OK to know that it's good that you know that we love self-awareness here"

My vision is getting really blurry my legs are numb and my arms feel so weak my ego is gone now and it's dark outside all that's lighting up the night is the lights from the city

" oh come on don't cry your eyes will get puffy"
His voice was so relaxing and so sweet all I could do was cry
" maybe I should try harder....... I wish that he loved me I wish that I was a girl so that he would like me I wish I was someone else I don't wanna be me anymore...... fuck if Yamaguchi saw me now what would he think of me"
" well I don't know what he would think about you but I think you're pretty great"

(yeah, I'm totally not quoting Steven universe :| I am)

Soon as he said that I could feel my tears my breath was heavy all I wanted to do was cry I was crying like a stupid baby while he was holding me tight I was just like that one night except this time he's not crying with me few minutes passed by and I was feeling a little bit better now
we got off the Ferris wheel Yamaguchi and yachi we are nowhere to be found so we just started wandering