Tahani's Reality (Urban)

|Sand Castles|

•Torin Truman•
"Taj"

I move all of my notes and paperwork that Issac has me studying over to the passenger seat before pulling off. I shoot the Jacobsons house a look before driving off.

It's been a couple days since I last spoke to Tahani. I thought everything would be good but I haven't seen her lately. It's like she's been avoiding me. Monroe swears up and down that she disappeared with Key the whole night the other day and she hasn't seen her since. Key told Monroe that she left. It all doesn't sound like Tahani but I figure she must be good since Issac ain't hit me up about it.

Suddenly all I can think about is Hazel. Regardless of what went down I still known her my whole life and care about her. And lately nobody has heard from her. I get that she was mad but it's been a couple of weeks. Now it's just unusual.

When I make it to her house I knock multiple times and nobody answers. Just when I was about to walk away something inside me told me to try twisting the door knob first. A weird feeling crept in my stomach knowing that that's not like Hazel to just leave her door unlocked. "Haze!" I yell inside of her house walking inside. Her house looks normal but there's no sign of her in the living room. "Look you ma homie. Can we at least talk about what happened?" I question as I walk inside the kitchen.

Still no sight of her.

I walk throughout the rest of her house calling her name loudly. When I make it to her room I see her bathroom door is open with the light on. "Haze. Com'on I know you hear me." I say calmly.

I place my hand on the door and it's as if in that moment I grow scared. I don't know why but fear fills my body.

I step into the bathroom and the first thing I see is pulls scattered everywhere. Then soon I see a trail of blood following after those pills. "H-Haze." I quickly drop to the ground.

Laying there is Hazel. Her eyes closed, a long gash going down each wrist and a empty bottle of pills laying by her body. She's sprawled out on the floor. "N-no," I feel hot tears rolling down my face. "You good Haze. It's okay, Com'on get up." I whisper using all of my strength to lift her up. Her body is limp and there's no sign of breathing. "It's gone be okay it's gone be okay." I say in a shaky tone.

I quickly call the ambulance hoping that she made it. But deep down inside I knew that she was long gone way before me or the ambulance arrived.

•Tahani Lowars•
"Hani"

I washed my body so hard that it burned. Digging and digging in hopes of washing the pain and memories away. Stained crusted blood stuck on the inside of my thighs and my lower half hurting.

Luckily Naomi and Issac were asleep when I'd came back.

I can't even look at myself in the mirror. All I kept wondering is what I did to deserve this. Was it because I kissed Taj? Was God punishing me for that? What did I ever do so bad I to deserve waking up in a strangers bed, raped, and alone? Key wasn't even there when I woke up. There was no sign that he was ever there except for the physical pain and burning memory I feel.

And surprisingly the only thing keeping me from telling my aunt isn't the fear of them harming him. But the embarrassment I feel.

I'm no longer a virgin, no longer pure, or innocent. My body is tainted and I've broke one of the rules inside the Bible. I didn't want to have sex with him, I told him to stop, I begged him to stop. But he just wouldn't. Would they understand? Would they understand that it's not my fault?

Then there's that realization that I should've never went upstairs with him. Why am I so stupid? I'm so naive. I really went upstairs with him. All I wanted was to fix his shirt and now this has happened.

I close my eyes. I've never felt pain so strong before. Believe it or not the emotional pain is worse than the physical pain. So many thoughts are running through my mind. I feel like screaming, crying, truthfully I even feel like dying. My father never warned me about this. My mother never told me. I knew about things like people being raped. But my parents never gave me rules about it. Never warned me about following a guy anywhere private. Never warned me about the signs. Never told me how to be at a party. Never told me not to accept a drink already opened. They raised me that everybody is good people except for Naomi & Issac. Raised me to love, trust, and help any and everyone whenever I can. I offered help to Keoni and look where that led me.

I run a hand through my hair letting out a shaky breathe. "Fuck you God. Fuck you." I can't help but cry. I've never left you! I've believed in you! Even when the naysayers were screaming about how you are a betrayer I believed! You let me down! You let me down!

My phone rings and I step out of the shower taking my time. Though I'm feeling pain I ignore it continuing towards my phone. "Hello?" I put on a fake tone for my dad.

"Hi baby girl, I was wondering if you wanted to get picked up yet? We're on our way back early." He suggests.

As soon as I hear his voice I begin breaking down. Not because I need my dad in this moment but because all I can think of his how disappointed in me he'd be if he knew what had happened.

"Hellooo?" He drags out.

I sniffle. "Y-yeah I'm ready." I want to get away from here as soon as possible. What's sad is I was so happy here. Naomi was even talking about getting me an intern ship at her company. I loved being here with them. But now all I feel is constant fear and sadness being on this side of town.

I wanna be far away. And maybe that'll stop the constant memories.

• • • •

After putting on a fake face I told my aunt and uncle I'd be leaving. Naomi kept on asking me again and again what's wrong and each time I lied and said nothing. Eventually she accepted that.

While they're upstairs I grab my suitcases opening the front door I come face to face with Taj. His face is pink and his grey eyes are bloodshot red. His eyes are even swollen. He looks as if he's been crying. "I need you Hani." He whispers softly.

He reaches for me and I flinch jerking away. Torin's face falls even more and he shakes his head wiping a tear before it can go down his cheek all the way. "Please baby I know I said a lot of things. B-but I need you right now. Okay? Hazel is dead and I found her and I just got so much on my mind. I just need some love from you right now. Can we cuddle or something just please." He begs pain in his tone.

I can tell he's hurting but the thing is I'm hurting too. "Hazel? That's what this is about? Well I'm sorry Torin but I don't care about that."

"What?" He snaps sniffling a little. "She killed herself Tahani."

I look away forcing myself not to cry. His eyes drift down to my suitcase. A pout forming on his lips and his eyes watering. "You leavin' me?" Taj asks me in a broken tone.

"I gotta go back hom-" he cuts me off dropping to his knees he wraps his arms around my waist and I can feel him crying against me. The moment is so vulnerable it almost brings tears to my eyes. But each second he's touching me all I can see is Key's hands roaming my body or him forcing himself on me.

Affection of any sort now feeling like torture.

"P-please don't go I need you." He whispers.

I remove his hands from around me leaving him there as I drag my bags to the lift. I make it inside staring at my lap avoiding his gaze. The driver begins driving off.

In this moment I now understand what Taj meant that day. The pain I was feeling was slowly turning into anger and hate. A deep anger in the pit of my stomach boiling inside of me. The old me would've cried hearing about Hazel's death. The other me would've not left and would've stayed there with Torin. But that was the same me that was pushed down on that bed, who's pants were ripped off of her, who's blood washed down the drain the next day.

That me is long gone.