Tahani's Reality (Urban)

|Drinks & Molly|

•Tahani Lowars•
"Hani"

I sit in a random party. My thoughts clouded from the amount of pills I've taken and liquor I've drank with it. I shake my head tossing it back. "Stay strong stay strong. Don't be a pussy." In my mind I'm thinking I'm speaking clearly but most of my words are coming out slurred in reality.

My phone vibrates in my lap both of my parents calling and texting me back to back. I even get messages from my aunt. I ignore all of them.

For about a month I've been spending time with Alizah. At first she could keep up with my whole wanting to party every night thing. She looked at it as "cool" but soon she started to see the truth. The truth that I ran from on a daily. That I'm actually messed up. That most nights I can hardly sleep unless the sounds of blaring music accompany me. That I can't focus or function throughout life without pills being in my system, without the taste of liquor on my tongue. Most nights I hardly even come home. I lie to my parents telling them I'm staying at a friends. When truth is I'm lying on a random bathroom floor with Alizah beside me trying to make sure I don't choke on my own puke.

Soon she told me and I quote "I don't know what happened to you Tahani. Don't know what messed you up or who. But what I do know is parties, drugs, and alcohol won't fix it. It just won't".

It was hard for me to hear that. Because Jesus can't fix it, church can't fix it, my parents can't fix it. Nobody can fix it or change what happened. But drinking and taking pills takes me somewhere else. A whole different reality that makes me feel so much more at peace. The closest thing to peace at least. I need it. I can't live without it. Most times like this I get high and drunk and close my eyes. Imaging Taj's arms wrapped around me. Protecting me.

Suddenly I'm being snatched by my arm. I'm so high up on pills I can barely focus to yank myself away from Alizah. Once we make it outside I stumble back away from her. "Leaveee me alone!" I scream most of my words coming out slurred and extremely loud. Earning looks from college kids outside of the party on the lawn.

"You are drunk and high. I'm calling your parents come on." She tries to reach for me but I jerk my arm away almost tumbling over.

"You don't know shit," I point my finger in her face. "Okay? You don't know shit you...you bitch."

"Yeah yeah okay spare me that shit let's go." She brushes off what I'm saying.

"You think you know me? You don't know. Okay, you don't know what he did to me. How he hurt me! How he raped me! You don't know." Just like that she was the first person I told what happened to. Her eyes widen and just like that suddenly I'm feeling dizzy.

Falling to the ground my body shakes and my eyes roll to the back of my head. I start to foam at the mouth.

• • • •

I blink my eyes multiple times my throat feeling dry. I'm laying in a hospital bed hooked to IV's, and beeping filling my ears. Along with adults arguing.

"She was perfectly fine before she went with you!" My dad whisper yells.

Suddenly I hear my aunts voice. "We watched her and looked after her. I don't know how this could've happened Jayor."

"Bullshit," my mom curses. "You two had something to do with this."

"When she was with us she wasn't drinking and taking pills. Nor did she OD." Issac defends his wife.

"She's woke." My mom realizes motioning to me. Suddenly they're all surrounding the bed.

My dads eyes are puffy as if he's been crying. "Is it true? Did what she said happen happen?"