I grabbed the bottle of vodka from the fridge, swishing the liquid around and frowning that there wasn't more left.
I dragged my feet to the deck and sat down, staring into the pool as I finished off the rest of the bottle.
My body felt light, but the drugs and the alcohol still wasn't enough to lift the crushing weight off my heart. I felt it deep in my chest. I needed something more to get it out.
I was back in the kitchen with a glass of gin. Then I was in the pool. I don't remember getting in the pool, but I was now. It was cold out but it didn't bother me much as I stared up at the sky, floating on top of the water. The stars whirled and span around, and I was suddenly made aware of how small I was.
I let myself sink down, savoring the quiet and inner peace that came to me when I was under. I wasn't here. I was gone. I broke the surface and took in a breath of air.
I was out of the pool, laying by the side of it and dragging my hand back and forth in the water. Everything felt fuzzy, my thoughts couldn't reach me and I savored every moment of it.
I was in the bathroom. How did I get to the bathroom? I winced at my reflection and walked out, not wanting to look anymore. My phone was ringing.
I swung my head around, trying to figure out where it was at. Eventually I found it on the kitchen counter and picked it up.
"Yea?"
"Uh, hi Elliot. Is now a bad time?"
"No, whatsup."
"You sound drunk."
"Well, y...you sound swell." I cursed myself in my head.
"Yeah, probably because I'm not drunk."
I made my way back to the deck, growing more agitated by the second. "What do you want."
The phone went quiet for a moment.
"I was calling to check on you. Clearly that was the right move to make."
I closed my eyes, attempting to sober up for the next words that I was trying to say. "I'm fine Elliot. Wait I mean-"
"I'm coming over."
The call ended. I groaned and ran a hand down my face. I needed a drink.
I was on the couch with my feet propped up on the coffee table. Some show was on but I couldn't make out which. The characters were blurry, their voices soft. The only thing I heard distinctly was the laugh track that played every 10 seconds. It was torture.
I looked around for the remote.
Maybe I left it in the pool.
I stumbled out to the deck and stared down at the water. Maybe I just needed a closer look. Sinking to my knees, I grabbed onto the edge of the pool and stuck my head under, trying to look for something. What was I looking for?
I don't remember falling in, but I was now. I felt disoriented. Every way I looked was more water. Which way was up?
It didn't matter. I was enjoying it. Here I was, alone in the quiet again. No thoughts, no sounds, no worries.
Here I was, and here I'd stay.
I sat straight up, my eyes shooting open as I coughed up water onto the ground. The back of my throat burned in protest as I tried gasping for air. I clutched my throat, the flame in my lungs denying me a pain free breath of air.
"You fucking idiot. What are you doing?"
I blinked, my eyes focusing in on the face above me. It was Dylan, dripping wet. He was shaking badly, and I couldn't tell if it was because he was angry or cold, or both.
