"Julie?"
She jumped at the sound, making the blade dig deeper into her skin than she had meant to. She winced. Her fingers clutched the faucet handle and she savored the sweet relief the frigid water brought to her skin.
A trembling hand delicately slipped beneath her bleeding wrist, holding her firmly but carefully.
She looked up at the reflection to see Myles standing beside her. They locked eyes in the mirror.
She glanced over what she could see of him. His tall, worry free aura contrasted starkly against her smaller figure. Her grey baggy shirt hung lazily about her as a growing loom of knots and twists manifested within her head. Right now, Myles looked nothing like he usually did. Deep bags were set beneath his eyes, and he was looking at her as if she had just single handedly shattered his heart. Right now, he seemed as small as she felt.
Her face flushed. A new, raw feeling of vulnerability and humility overtook her as she searched for a way out of this situation.
Myles drew his bottom lip between his teeth, unable to process his thoughts. His body felt like the fuzzy static of a tv as if faintly realizing nothing outside of this moment had ever truly mattered. When words finally escaped his lips, they rushed out in one hot breath geared towards himself.
"How did I not realize..."
His eyes drifted to the pink water swirling down the drain. He turned the faucet off. Keeping his fingers around her wrist, he reached for the gauze in the medicine cabinet.
Julie kept her eyes on the marble counter, focused on one spot in particular near the edge that had been worn away to a blanched white. This is where she kept her eyes when she finally spoke, a faint plea in her uneasy voice. "Don't be mad at me."
He furrowed his eyebrows, setting the gauze down onto the counter. "Mad?" The word felt foreign in his mouth, especially at the idea of directing it towards her. He placed his hands on either side of her face, resting his forehead against hers and searching her dark brown eyes for some kind of answer for all this.
"Julie," he breathed out. "I am not mad at you."
Standing this close felt like the most intimate moment they had ever shared. His light grey eyes that happily gazed at her were now clouded dark with a mixture of worry and sadness. A thousand silent words were traded, Myles wanting nothing more than to take her pain away and Julie simply aching for him to do just that. But neither knew how.
She wavered, wringing her hands. She focused on his locked gaze as her words slipped into the thick air.
"This was never my intention."
His fingers skidded lightly down her face as he let go, taking a step back and putting some space between them. He looked broken, and it was all her fault. A watery voice emerged from him. "What was your intention, then?"
"For you not to find out."
He took the step forward again, his hands smoothly finding their way into both of hers. The truth was that he was scared. Scared to stop holding her in fear she'd disappear in front of him.
"Why? Why would you want to keep this from me?" Pain and confusion dripped from his voice.
Blood dripped off her wrist, landing on the tile floor with a faint thump. Her eyes trailed down to the noise then back up to her arm. She reached forwards and turned on the faucet again. "Because now you want an explanation, but there's no simple answer." She refused to look at him.
She could barely hear the faintness of his voice. "You don't have to explain yourself to me."
She faltered, eyes looking up at his. The water stopped running. "Then why are you still here?"
He grabbed the gauze from earlier, gently pulling her arm towards him and beginning to wrap up her new cuts. He kept his gaze down as he spoke. "Because I care about you, and I want to help you." He took a slow, deliberate breath in. "No questions asked."
She ran her free hand up and down the edge of the counter just to give herself something to do, feeling her face heat up again. He noticed and, once he finished lightly grabbed her other arm, running his thumb across the lines of scars on her skin.
"How did I not notice you were hurting?"
She pulled her arm away. "You don't have to help me Myles. I'm fine."
His jaw tightened at her words, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. When he looked at her again his body softened. "I want to help you. Let me help you," he placed his hand on the side of her arm. "Please Julie, I can't handle losing you. It'll break me into pieces."
Tears were springing at her eyes. Why was this happening? She bit down hard on the inside of her lip, willing herself to keep it together. Her voice broke. "I don't want to be here anymore."
Myles tried to blink away his own tears but failed at it, instead choosing to wipe away Julie's. He nodded at her words as if this was a thought that frequented his own mind.
"Life is so hard, Julie. I know. I won't deny that."
He pulled her into his arms. She clutched onto him as if her life depended on it, burying her face into his sweatshirt. Her body felt tense against his own, every muscle in her trying to hold it together...for him.
"You don't have to bottle it up," he murmured softly, hand combing through her soft brown curls.
Julie's mind turned elsewhere. She stepped back from him, loosely crossing her arms to her chest to try to give herself an ounce of comfort. She felt defeated, the loneliness and walls building back up inside her.
"This isn't fair to you. I'm not who you want, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for misguiding you into thinking I was..." She paused, saddened by her realization. "Happy."
"Julie, what kind of relationship is that? That isn't real. People can get their happy, fairytale endings in life but what happens after that? I'll tell you what happens...life goes on. After the ending there's just, more life. There's pain, anger, there's sadness. Julie," a small, sad laugh escaped his lips as he gazed at her, eyes glistening. "You are the only person I will ever want. Happy or sad."
"What if I'm never happy again?"
"You will be," he promised. And he meant it. He glanced down at her arm. Then at the blade sitting on the counter. He grabbed it and swiftly dropped it into the trash can. "But please...please don't hurt yourself. I will listen to you whenever you need me. We can talk about anything."
They held each other's gaze. Myles slowly closed the distance between them, running his fingers up her neck and into her hair, lips hovering against hers and eyes searching hers for the go ahead. She nodded softly and leaned into his warm embrace.
"I'm never letting go of you," he whispered fiercely.
And she believed him.
