The red thread of fate《Zhanyi version》

Chapter 2

Xiao Zhan's POV

I stared without thoughts at the snow-white path, which shined like crystals in the dark moonlight that emitted a soft glow onto the house.

A shiver went down my spine, and I made myself comfortable on the stone I was sitting on, watching the stars in the sky; it was a beautiful clear night while having thousands of stars shining high above there, as if they were watching me, assure me I was at least safe for tonight, safeness was a feeling I never felt wherever I went.

When I was younger, I used to believe that my parents would come back, that they just lost their way back to me, that they did still love me; I told myself my parents didn't abandon me; I kept lying to myself, telling myself they will find their way home someday.

Every day I was sitting on that bench, waiting.

Waiting for the impossible to happen, and what was I naive, the truth that I learned is that in the end, sometimes not everything will end like a fairytale, sometimes we are destined to wait and roam around in this lonely world, waiting till our moment comes.

And truth to be told, I had been lying to myself more than once. I had lied to myself in my short span of life, living in a dream that ended as a nightmare.

I kept telling myself over and over again that someday outside there in that big lonely world, someone would be waiting for me, but the sad truth tuned out differently because no one cares about someone they don't know.

Humans are selfish, and I regret that I didn't live my life to the fullest, and I died that night full of grief of dreams I never achieved.

Softly shaking my head, I watched the bare night sky, and a star fell faster than my brains could proceed, but even before I understood what happened, my body reacted.

I closed my eyes, making a wish, not because I believe that it would be a reality someday, but because of a long-ago vow that was made; it might have been forgotten by time, but the promise was to me, unfading, just like the moon shined so bright every night, people might forget about the moon, but they know it will come up again at night, just like it might not always be there shining at the sky, but you know it is there deep inside my heart.

Just like my promise will forever live apart inside from my recollections of the time, it was one of the small things that made me unconsciously smile.

And if I concentrated hard, I would sometimes recall his face or the soft burning sandalwood scent in my vision, even if it was less than a second; it was everything I needed to be motivated again to keep ongoing.

If I need to be truthful, I must admit I can't always remember his face clearly anymore, but I would always recall that cute giggle he made when I gave him that lollipop.

The only food I had that day, I would remember his smile which made him look like a living live-sized little lion cub and that smile was what made me fall for him, and maybe I was too young to realize it, but I had fallen in love, and deep.

I hate myself for forgetting how he looked while I can only see a blurry image of you, but a thing that's engraved into my memory was his soft touch when he gave me a small peck on my lips.

That tender light feeling of being on cloud nine was the first time I had felt something special like that, and also the last time, just like it was my first and unknown to the world, only known by fate as my last kiss.

And I'm happy he was the one who took it away from me, and maybe he had always been the one for me, and how much I regret not finding him before I died that night, that night which changed my life.

There were rumours here and there saying that if you die at a young age, there are four options for you left; one is that you'll become a soulless ghost searching for peace that you never got in your life, but you only become a soulless ghost if you had nothing to live for.

The second thing is an imaginary friend, but the sad part of all is that when the one friend you accompany growing up, you'll be fading as their "imaginary" friend because they will stop believing in you.

The third option; is when you hold a big grudge against something or someone in your past life, you will become a haunting ghost, but let me tell you that isn't something "fine" because your afterlife will be worse than your revenge for peace.

The fourth and, thereby, the last option -that I ended up with- was being a guardian to your soulmate.

You know how many friends I made, but sadly most of them were imaginary friends.

They chose that path because their soulmate wasn't ready to fight for them if they grow up, and the moment they left me because their friend stopped believing in them, I was left alone again.

And from that moment on, I decided to keep it this way; I was preferably lonely and isolated than getting hurt again and again for the same reason.

You can freely call me a coward, but I don't think you know what real suffering is, how it is to live without food for days and not even knowing when you will get to eat something again, you don't and won't know how it is to sleep on those cold hard street tiles, you don't understand how it is to see your friends all fade away slowly with time just because the people they took as their friends stopped believing in them.

You don't know what real pain is, and you can never ever imagine how cruel this world can be and is.

Why does loving someone mean getting hurt too?

I mean, I never truly understood the word love until I met him, and from that moment off on, I slowly, step by step, learned the true meaning was behind love.

Love was not just an affection from two sides; love was the affection to someone else and be ready to do everything for him or her, and even be willing to see him or her being in love with someone else while you're crying by that invisible sideline.

And perhaps I had been too young to understand it at that time, but now I finally realized what that empty feeling inside me was, that feeling I had been carrying all this time without even realizing how much it burdened me and cut into my broken soul because it was called love.

I closed my eyes while the wind slowly touched my face with a soft breeze, and I listened to the quiet sounds of wind blowing through the dark forest.

Blowing away the darkness and hurt, protecting me, a broken soul on such a dark and lonely night, and while the wind hummed me softly into a deep slumber, bringing me to another world far from this one.

A world filled with happiness and love, but made of lies, and while being carried away by the wind, I felt a small lonely tear gently, almost in slow motion tricking its way down from my cheeks right towards my heart as if it knew its way, just like he did . . .

Word count: 1294 words