xx Prose: Scream

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written, posted & named: march 13, 2021 from 7:48p.m. to 8:23p.m.

inspiration: a dream i had after about roughly an hour of sleep that i had to force myself to wake up from. 

song: scream - janet jackson x michael jackson

warning: fear and somewhat vivid descriptions.

/ - /

why, even within my dreams, am i so inaudible?

my fear was there, so heavy and prominent,

tearing away at my thoughts and terrorizing me.


my voice stays so quiet,

even during the times i want to be loud.

it escapes me, maybe it hides.


my fear was there, so heavy and prominent.

i couldn't speak. 


in my dream, i saw me.

i was there, terrified.

something was wrong—

everything was wrong. 


i was younger, but still the same age.

i was inside of a younger me, but present me was inside.

i was swimming again, but it's been years since i've done that.

this event didn't even happen, why was i there?

i haven't been to a swim meet for years.


my coach was angry with me and ignored me,

and the other wanted to talk to me, 

but when i looked, he was gone.

what was happening?

why had she ignored me?

why had he disappeared?

what did it all mean?


where was i, really?

why didn't any of the swimmers 

sitting around my first coach 

speak to me, look up?


was i truly invisible? 

how did this all happen?


when i got to the locker room, 

the two girls who weren't even on my team

who assisted me, quite randomly,

disappeared too.


they went into their respective stalls and

left me behind.

i'm not even sure whether they were still inside.


but i saw myself.


i saw me, 

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