Soul {Prose Vol. 3}

xx Prose: Too Much

written: november 12, 2021 around 10:44a.m., then 8:32-8:48p.m.

i paused to watch livingwithlilac on instagram around 11a.m. and got happy feelings back, then i fell asleep for most of the day. i just came back to this at 8:32p.m. because i am crying and have no one to talk to. i'm realizing that i am super overwhelmed and unprepared, and i don't know what to do about it. this semester is seriously taking a toll on me.

posted & named: november 12, 2021 at 8:49p.m.

inspiration: my feelings + i saw this new juice wrld single on my youtube recommendations. it just dropped yesterday, november 11th. it's scary relatable, just like his other songs, minus the drug addiction because i don't and won't do drugs.

dedications: draftingdaisies nazu_5sos Moonlitskie 

thank you all for taking this journey with me.

song: already dead - juice wrld

/ - /

some say that the glass is half full,

while others say that the glass is half empty.

some argue that it's all about perspective and outlook,

but i believe people are just idiots.

obviously, both sides are right. 

if a glass is half full, 

by principle and definition, 

it is also half empty, and vice versa.

we are allowed to feel like optimists,

and other times like pessimists. 

the glass will always be both full and empty,

regardless of your outlook. 

life is not always happy with rainbows and sunshine,

thunder clouds, rainstorms, and lightning.

it can be dark and cold, or maybe warm,

and you can fall into the darkness, the abyss,

but depending on the mood, you might not be depressed,

you might be comforted, you might feel a warm embrace.

you might feel your worries slip away and feel okay.

i happen to be in the bright, suffocating light.

i'm open, i'm vulnerable, i'm being utilized. 

my job has me on cool projects,

allowing me to express my digital graphic 

and visual communication skills.

they have me making promotional videos

and running in-person campaigns.

they have me organizing the studio,

they trust me to keep everything in check.

they gave me more hours, 

and will give me even more flexibility

in the coming semester.

they let me meet new people and help them

develop their writing and communication skills,

and it's nice, i feel great, 

i'm exhausted, but there's no hate.

i see the change, they feel the assist, 

i'm helping people.

that's my goal, isn't it? 

but.. who is helping me?

my thoughts are so full, 

but they're also empty, all at once.

i'm tired, but i've slept.

i've wept.

i struggle.  

it's hard to think that i can, that i will.

everything is too much.

how much longer can i remain above the

murky ocean of contradictions we call life?

how much longer will my thoughts and feelings

continue their endless dance around my brain?

how much longer with the hurt feet pound my head

and crush my heart, leaving me empty and full?

a/n

i'm back.