written, posted & named: march 12, 2021 from 12:52p.m. to 1:38p.m.
inspiration: my feelings after a series of terrible experiences that ended in the most terrible experience that could've happened.
song: worth (acoustic) - lani rose
dedication: to a relationship that ended terribly and in tragedy.
/ - /
how could you blame me?
how could you hate me so heavily?
i know i'm terrible.
i blame myself for most things,
even though i know in my mind that
i am not at fault, i know it.
many things are out of my control,
like the blame you shift on me when it is
no one's fault but hers.
you won't take fault for your mistakes though,
and you'll pin some on me, so unwarranted.
i'm drowning, suffocating, and you wish me dead.
i can imagine you seeing me suffering in full,
one second away from my deathbed, laughing.
the idea of me being gone would please you, wouldn't it?
maybe then you'd be happy and not so hateful..
you know, most of the time i want the same thing.
i hate being here, but i'm trying every day, every day in vain.
i'm not perfect, but i am not hateful.
even now, i just want what's best for you
and all those who lost someone so close.
i hope beyond the grave, he is truly okay,
maybe there is an afterlife and he'll thrive in it.
but why am i so hated?
why wouldn't he believe me?
why would he do that to me?
how many more panic attacks and crying fits do i need to have?
how many more lies do you have to confess yourself of in regards to me?
how many more times will you choose to be ignorant and hamper yourself?
YOU ARE READING
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