mental state

4. The hill

I opened my eyes. I felt so well rested. It looked like Tay had left. I should take a shower.

When i got out of the shower it was almost seven pm. How long was I asleep damn?!
Why is there a cigarette on my table. I picked it up and it had Tays number on it.
How cute. I cleaned my room a bit and then decided to do my homework. Tomorrow is monday, I hate mondays....

Next day i went to school and as predicted Tay wasnt there. He wasnt there on tuesday or wednesday. So when it was Thursday I looked around school thinking he would be there. But he wasnt. Where could he be?

Friday came along and he wasnt at school again. I hope he's ok. I dialed his number and waited. He isn't picking up. Damn it why would he give me his number when he won't even pick up?

Luckly I know where he lives so lets go.
I walked over to his house. Here I am.
I knocked. His mom came to the door.

"Who are you?"
Jeez, she seems friendly.
"Oh um, I'm Tays friend. Is he home?"
"Well come in Tays friends. He's out right now, but he should be back any minute. You can wait in his room."
"Ok thank you."
"Yeah yeah"

I walked into Tays room. It's messy. His clothes are on the floor and his bed is a mess. Should I clean a little? I'll just make his bed. I started making his bed when suddenly something fell onto the floor.
It was a knife. It looked kinda bloody. And then it clicked. I quickly made his bed and placed the knife onto his nightstand.

I heard him enter.
"Hey!" I quickly made myself known.
"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?"
"Oh well I called and you didn't answer and you didn't show up at school either so."
"So you were worried again huh?"
He looked annoyed. He spotted the made bed.
"Did you do this?"
"Yeah."
"Next time please don't. It annoyes me when someone goes thru my stuff."
"Well I didnt meant to..."
"Whatever."
He sat down on his bed and sighed.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes, Im perfectly fine"
He sounded so mean. The fuck did I do?
"Uhm ok then. Now that I know you're not dead I'll leave."
I turned around and started to go. Suddenly he got up and took my hand.
"You can stay if you want. I'm a little bored and I don't mind company if it's you." He gave me a faint smile.
"Alright"

I sat down on the bed.

"You draw right? Could you show me some of your work?"
"Uhh sure but it's nothing that impressive."

He took a sketchbook out of a drawer and handed it to me. Wow he can really draw. It was filled with drawings of our city and the sky.
"This looks great!"
"Thx" 
He sat down next to me and looked at the pictures with me. I turned another page and...It was me. I didn't know what to say. It was a picture of me in our school hall walking.
"Thats you." He sayd while looking at me.
"You dont like it?"
"No its not that. It just seems a little...."
"Creepy?"
"Yeah."
Although it was nicely drawn I was still a little weirded out.
"Can I draw you right now?"
He asked while taking the sketchbook from me.
"Uhm, why would you wanna draw me?"
"Dont worry I can give both of them to you so you wouldn't get the wrong idea."
"Uhm, k"
"Ok well sit tight I'll just draw your face"

As i sat there completely still I looked at him sketching and completely focused on that drawing.
Abt 10 minutes later
"Alright done. Here you go"
"Thx."
"Do you like it"

I stared at the drawing. Is this how he sees me? It looks way better than I actually look.
I looked happy. I always see myself with a tired and a sad face. Seeing that he looks at me and sees this made me tear up a little.
"I love it"
"Oh dont cry!"
He raised his hand and wiped the two tears from my face.
I hugged him.
"Thank you, i really like it. Now give me the other one."
"Haha alright alright. Here you go."

I put both of them into my bag and plopped onto his bed.
"Let's go out for a bit."  He stood up.
"I'm not in the mood for another party tho."
"No not a party, just a little walk. I wanna show you something."
"Uhm ok then."

We walked for quite a long time. And he held my hand the whole time. Its like he was scared I was gonne dissapear. We didnt talk much, we mostly just raited the houses we passed by.

"Ok were here."  We stopped in the middle of no where.
"Here where?" I was confused.
"I come here when I need some quiet."
We were on the edge of a hill. You could see some of the city lights from here.

He layd down on the grass and patted the ground next to him indicating that he wanted me to lay down aswell. So i did.
It had already gone dark so you could see the stars but only a litte.

"I should thank you" he sayd while turning his head towards me.
"You should, shouldn't you?"
He laughed a little.
"Dont get too cocky now ok? But thank you. For helping me with this bet. And for uhm...."
"For what?"
"You're the first persone who like, came to look for me and all that shit. And that made feel kinda good so thx."
"No problem. You are my pretend boyfriend afterall." I sayd jokingly.

"You didn't warn me that we would be laying down. Im kinda cold now."
It might be April but it still isn't as warm as youd exoect.
"Come here I'll keep you warm" he sayd with open arms.

Snuggled up next to him and we just stared at the sky. It was nice.
It was quiet and I felt safe in his arms. Even tho he did act like a creep from time to time.

"Hey you should tell me more abt you. Like I did. Remember?"
"You barely told me anything. But whatever. I'm seventeen and I uhh live with my mom. My dad ran off with some young bitch and I have no siblings. I like listening and writing music and my fave food is ramen and pancakes."
"You write music? Thats something unexpected. Sing me something."
"I sayd I WRITE music not that I can sing. Oh and one more thing."
I looked at him.
"What?"
"I hate you❤" I sayd it with an ironic and soft tone.
He kissed me.
"I hate you too."