mental state

17. He is here

A room dark and messy, windows letting in sunshine that shows the dust floating, a desk overflowing with crunched up papers and letters ment for someone who doesnt want them and a bed with a tear soaked pillow and a girl wrapped in two blankets crying. 

Its been a week since I left the hospital room. Since Ive seen Tay. I havent gone to work and I havent stopped blaming myself. Once again alone with my thoughts. But its nice, I can clearly think about why and how things got to this. My conclusion: Its all my fault. 

My mom is working and is obviously thinking Im like this bc of her. Shes mad at me for being sad, for locking myself in my room. Giving me another reason to stay hidden in my room. 

I hear a knock on my door. Who could it be? I didnt move, just listened to the knock continue. "Its Sam, is anyone home?" I heard faintly thru the door. I closed my eyes, I just want to sleep. Now the knock moved to my window. "I know youre there. Boss sent me. Why havent you showed up at work?" I heard Sam thru the window.  I turned my back to the window and faced the wall. "Is it bc of me?" He asked in a sad voice. Slowly I got up and went over to the window, the blankets wrapped around me. I opened the window "Its not bc of you.." I sayd. "Have you been crying?" He asked. I didnt look him in the eye, I was too embarrased. "No, Im fine. Ill come to work tomorrow..." I sayd and wanted to close the window. 

"Lets go for a walk." He sayd while stopping me from closing the window. "Ill buy you iceream or something too." He sayd with a warm smile. Something must have happened for him to be this happy. Something good. "Ok, wait outside the garden."  It felt good for someone to.....talk to me. But he doesnt need to be burdoned with my problems so Ill try to stay quiet. I got dressed in joggershorts and a top. It was hot outside, the rainy summer days made the next ones especially warm. 

I went outside and there he waited. He was tall and he was smiling. "Lets go!" He sayd with a cheery voice. We went to the park by the beach. There were children running around and familys having picnics. We sat down onto the grass under a big tree that was protecting us from the sun. "Its really hot outside huh?" He sayd while looking at me. I could tell he was trying to take my mind off of things. Without even knowing what was bothering me. He sighed and fell onto his back, putting his hands under his head. "I met someone." I turned my head to him. "Really?" I asked in a suprised tone. Who could it be? I thought. "Yeah, shes really something. She visited the cafe and we just hitted off." 

With excitement i asked:" Whats she like?" he looked at me and smiled. "She has dark long hair and beautiful blue eyes. She has the cutest smile that makes me want to smile with her." I layd next to him on my side. "She seems nice. Whats her name?" I asked him. "Rome." he sayd in a calm and lovely voice. "What?" I asked with a suprised voice. "I know right. Everyhing about her is so beautiful." I sat back up. The time when Rome told me that she cant be my friend anymore flashed in my eyes. "Im gonna meet up with her later. Wanna come and meet her?" He asked and sat upm aswell. Just as fast as he got my mind off of Tay, he filled it with another poison. "Uhm I gotta go." I stood up "Im happy for you, but I uh, I gotta go."

"Wait! Whats wrong?" He asked and got up aswell. He grabbed my hand and didnt let go. "I can tell somethings off. And I can help. Just tell me whats wrong. Some times its good to talk abt these things." I snatched my hand from his. "Rome and I were friends, but uhm things didnt end well. I just wanna go home ok." he looked schocked "I really am happy for you." I made myself smile so he wouldnt be too worried."See ya tomorrow." I turned around again and started walking thru the park towards my home. 

Again I wanted to cry, but I was outside. For somethime I kept it in, but at one point they just started falling out. I quickly wiped them off but just as fast new ones fell onto the concrete I was walking on.  

"Hey there! Are you ok?" A strange man came up to me. I kept my head down and wanted to walk past him. "Aww dont be like that. Ican help." he grabbed my arm. Not again. Fuck this Im too tired for this right now. "Let go!" I yelled at him with the most angry tone Ive had in a while. "Im not interester in fucking you! So if you dont let go right fucking now, Im going to kill you I swear to god!"  I kept my eyes locked with this bastard and didnt look away.  

He smirked and was about to say something when suddenly a fist flew into his face. I stumbled back and saw  a tall figure beat the shit out of the creep who tried to get with me. As I saw the hands beating the man swing back to get another punch in. I notice their wrists patched up with white cloth. Tay? I grab his wrist as it swung back. He turned his face fast and it was coverd in blood sprays. But those grey eyes were clear as crystals.

He quickly got up and grabbed onto my wrist while I was holding his. We sarted running away. All I could see was his tall figure running infront of me. That dark hair, those broad sholders. We ran for a good amount of time when he suddenly stopped. "Tay?" I sayd while trying to catch my breath. He turned around and suddenly hugged me. he hugged me so tight it kinda hurt. But it was soooooo nice. I quickly wrapped my own arms around him and hugged him back. We were in some weird alleyway. "Im so sorry baby" He cam out of the hug and put his hands on my cheeks. I was still so suprised. I was crying and laughed a little. How cute....

"Im so sorry baby. I ll never tell you to leave again. Ill never leave you again." He sayd witht he most sincere voice and kissed me. Pulling my face to his I grabbed onto his hands while they were holding my face. "Im sorry too..." I sayd as soon as he stopped kissing me. He looked at me and hugged me again. He seemed so scared and panicked from what had just happened. More then me even. But how can I be scared now that hes here.