𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 (𝑬𝑵- 𝑱𝒂𝒌𝒆𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒏) ✔

18

Jake

I bid Jay goodbye before boarding my plane. I am scheduled later but I asked if I can re schedule and they said yes. This is actually not just a consultation to my psychologist but also to my medical doctor. I want to know if I have a chance of speaking again. I want to know a way for me to talk again. I dont know where this determination came from but I have never wanted to speak again before and this, this feeling of determination to speak is new to me. I also plan to visit Jackie and maybe she can help me sort out my feelings. As jay said, do it slowly, one at a time.

I sat on the seats and the plane took off. My heart is beating faster and faster as the thought of going back to Australia and maybe seeing them again haunts me. I grab my face mask as I wore them and not long after, I manage to fall asleep.

For the few days I stayed with Jay, Jungwon and Sunghoon, I felt really comfortable and I saw a ray of light, of hope that I will someday live normally again. I want to. And also I want to be fixed. .

Its confusing but I felt like meeting Sunghoon has given me this much of determination to heal and have hope that I will be back to who I am

After a few hours, the plane landed and I went to grab my bag. After doing so, I went to the exit to get a ride back home.

I let out a shaky breath as I enter my house and I saw my mom all dressed in black, ready to leave.

Once she saw me, she immediately ran to me as she embraced me and now she's crying again.

"I thought you won't make it. Jay said you have been so well"

"I have been well mom, but I won't forget today. let me just change my clothes and I'll join you"

I changed into black clothes after a quick shower before meeting my mom and we drove to the cemetery.

By the way, this is actually the main reason I came back. Today is Jackie and dad's death anniversary. Yup, they died on the same day. It was Jackie's death anniversary when Dad boarded a plane to come back home when it crashed, he died that same day.

I knelt in front of the stones that had their names carved as I let my tears fall.

"Jackie,. ..  Can you hear me? I want to know how have you been. You see, I am actually doing well with Jay and I met new friends. Actually I might like someone among them. Can you believe it Jackie? For the first time, I like someone! If you know who he is, I bet you would approve. Plus he's insanely handsome. Dad, I know you also can hear me. Please be happy, I know it's my first time to feel like this and I know if you meet him, you might forget that you "MUST" be the only handsome man in my life, in our lives. I hope you can help me with my life"

I whispered in my head as I closed my eyes as if I'm talking to them and as I do, my eyes tear up again despite the smile on my face. I really feel like being able to fall in love with someone is an achievement for me. All these years I have been locked up, more like I locked myself up and I have been wondering always how to feel when your heart beats for someone. I never had the chance tho, well not until I met Sunghoon.

I am actually happy that even after a few days of being with him, I felt so different and it felt great. I feel like liking him is really unexpected but then my mom told me that love comes unexpectedly. I am still scared tho. I dont want to feel the pain that mom mentioned when you like someone and they didnt like you back, the pain is like a nightmare.

At a short span of time, I felt really comfortable with Sunghoon and I feel like really close to him even if we're literally strangers. But the fact that he manage to always calm me down is really new to me. I don't really know what this is but I want to know.