LOST TIME MEMORY Vol. 1

Chapter 3: Kisaragi, Shintaro

Shintaro Kisaragi turned eighteen years old on April 30th. There was nothing exceptional about the day. He didn't really celebrate his birthday, and Ene wouldn't know unless told. She wouldn't go out of her way to keep track of his personal information all the time, after all. She was an AI with a free spirit. And his birthday was just a blank filled-in on a list detailing his info. A trivial matter. Though some people in his life didn't think so. It was a weird thing for him to ponder about. Especially now of all times. Right as the men were about to shoot him dead. But he couldn't help it. He'd spent a lot of time thinking about the past, and he'd meant to try to take steps forward because it hurt to look back. And now, maybe his life was flashing before his eyes because memories just kept seeping in without pause. He couldn't stop himself from looking, from reminiscing. His mind was traversing back and forth in time, trying to make sense of the scrambled pieces of an incomplete puzzle.

An azure light swirled around his head and a door rose up—his bedroom door. He'd been on his computer as usual. Someone had knocked and, after checking to see, Shintaro hadn't found anyone outside. They'd left something behind, though, a small cupcake with a single birthday candle sticking out with swirly red patterns. He'd picked it up, brought it to his room, and put it on the desk for Ene to see. She'd congratulated him with a jumping effort as if to make up for not remembering it though she'd apparently 'totally remembered.' He'd been a little too bashful to make a big deal out of it, but he did thank her. This hadn't been the first time something like this had happened before. He recalled his mother, father, and little sister had done something similar for him every year since he was little. Back then, there had been full-on cakes. It'd been his father's idea. He always wanted to do something special for each member of the family. He was the only person who would go the extra length for his dear wife, beloved daughter and even his wayward son. Shintaro had never put it into words, in a way that most children never really earnestly did, but he really loved his father and his family. He just couldn't be on the same wavelength that they so easily floated on and danced through despite his father's attempts at always including him.

There was a pure white fridge. It was Shintaro's, in the kitchen. The picture that hung was of a day at the beach. The sun was a deep yellow that cast a vibrant, translucent light hanging over the background of sandy hills, right behind two kids and their father- the center of the photo. It portrayed a brother, his little sister, and their father. Only one of them wasn't smiling, Shintaro himself. He hadn't been unhappy, though; it was just the usual expression he wore. His little sister, Momo Kisaragi, was holding onto her father's hand. Shintaro hadn't been particularly close to her back then. She was daddy's little girl and wouldn't want to separate from him for a single moment.

It had been a nice day. Their father, usually being reined in by their mother to not dote on them too much, was free to spoil them however he wanted. His antics went from buying them their favorite ice-creams to putting Momo on his shoulders and running off along the shore with her. Her hands had been up in the air, screaming at the top of her lungs. Shintaro was usually unwilling to participate in much, but he'd indulged his father just like the rest of his family. He'd gone along with his whims, sliding, and jumping off the soft, sandy hills- to making sandcastles. At some point, they even made a mermaid out of Shintaro. He wouldn't let them take that picture, though. Their father had been so overjoyed that he'd tried to spend the coming years planning out the next 'beach day' and made it a yearly thing. But as Shintaro grew older, he had to focus more on school. And so, when his father had asked him to join in on the fun some years later, he'd had to decline. He had an exam coming, his first one in his first year of middle school.

He didn't want to remember this part too much, and they'd never asked his sister about the details either. To tell the story short, his father had drowned in the deep waters that day while saving his daughter. He'd really loved his father, and it hurt to think it, but his mother and sister had definitely loved him more than Shintaro did. Their loss had been greater than his. He'd felt like his eccentric old man was the only connection he'd had to his family, and now they would be too concerned about their grief and their own lives to care about Shintaro. Not that he ever agonized over it. He had never been the type to crave attention, even back when he was a little boy. He just missed his father's lively attempts at bringing him out to see everyone and everything. And now he felt like he couldn't really talk with his own family anymore. He couldn't speak to his father and therefore not even his own mother and sister. He missed him a lot. But his father wasn't why he'd shut himself in completely. That wasn't something he wanted to think of. It haunted him every day, nonetheless.

After that day, his sister had been a little more awkward, docile, and shy. She was just a child, but still, she started clinging to Shintaro's back everywhere they went despite all the attention she got from everyone else. She'd lost something too, after all. He wondered now whether she was clinging to him in place of their father. Or if, because he was always so out of reach and distant, she was scared to lose him too. For her and their father's sake, Shintaro finally put an effort into being her brother. That's where all the pictures of the years after came from. The two of them, along with their mother, are the only family they had left. Even so, the distance between them inevitably grew and grew too great for them to really talk, after two years ago. He'd dropped out of school. She'd gotten scouted and hired in middle school as an up-and-coming idol, of all things. It was the idol sister and her shut-in brother. He knew it would be embarrassing for her if people found out. His decision to remain isolated inside his own room had basically forced his shy little sister to come out of her shell and work for herself and her family. It was pathetic of him. It was sad. And that's why he couldn't let her be the only one to move forward. To take responsibility. It took him time to care about someone other than himself for once, but when he finally looked outside, he didn't want to let her be the sole breadwinner of his family. He had to work too. He had to buy them excellent gifts, give them a nice break. His mother was always so busy preparing food, getting welfare money, and taking care of the house and her shut-in son that she almost didn't have time for herself. His sister was busy with school and her studies. Yet, she still had to work as an idol on top of all that. She probably didn't even have time to hang out with her friends. And yet, Shintaro now realized, with the guns pointing directly at him- his sister had still found time to celebrate his birthday in her own loving way every single year since their father's death. So, for once. Just this one time in many, many years, he wanted to be her big brother again.