What about our garden? (Tsukkiyama angst)

sweet dreams--11

it had been 2 days after yamiguchi died. all tsukishima had done was cry, he didn't leave the bed. all he did was sit there clutching at yams blanket and crying. in the end they didn't let him be burried with the blanket. his mother didn't aloow it.

there was no funeral. just a burial no proper ceremony. yams family didn't care. they didn't care enough to visit him, they didn't care enough to hold a funeral. kei wouldn't have gone anyway. there was no reason for him to go.

why should he go to a funeral with a bunch of absolute fakes. they didn't care until it was too late. when yams actually needed them,where were they? they were busy, busy enjoying their lives. something tadashi was never going to be able to do.

tsukki had given the same response when asked by daichi if he was going. he wouldn't,he couldn't. his memories of yams were happy ones, even the ones in the ugly bleached hospital. every single memory was incredibly special. that wasn't going to be corrupted by fakes. he wasn't going to listen to them speak on and on about how amazing dashi was, or how he didn't deserve that. kei already knew all of this, he knew this better then any of them. he already had his last memories, no need to replace them with fake ones. he didn't want to see the boy like that either, all pretty and stiff. they'd probably cover his freckles when they did his makeup, or they'd put him in a suit. yams hates suits, he always said that they were ugly, uncomfortable and restricting.  they wouldn't use sunflowers or roses either; yams mother had already said they would use daisy's. yams thought daisy's were boring. of course his mother didn't even realise this, she knew nothing about him. not like kei did. kei even knew that yams wanted to be cremated; he wanted to be scattered with the flowers in their flower field. she didn't know that, she got him buried. 

he deserved the best most beautiful ceremony ever, with his favourite flowers, in his favourite place, not what she was doing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

weeks had passed. months even. 3 months to be exact. 3 months today. the 20th of march, the anniversary of dashi's death.

even though, tsukki didn't go to the 'funeral', he was still going to say goodbye.

their flowerfield. 

filled with all sorts of flowers. it had every single flower you could imagine, but there was definitely more sunflowers then anything. this field held so many memories for them. it was so beautiful and so special. 

tsukki clutched the cold phone to his head whilst walking into the field.

' hey? tsukishima? where are you?' daichi was on the other side.

"i'm fine. don't worry. i just have things to do. speak soon" even though kei wasn't going back to the team, at least not for a long time, daichi still checked up on him twice a day. since it happened, daichi was worried. what if kei decided to join his lover? what if kei gave up?

tsukki had already hung up before daichi could answer, he didn't want to speak to anyone. no one except his strawberry. his lover.

tadashi yamiguchi~

"just a little nap. that would be nice." kei muttered to himself. he was so exhausted. sleep wasn't coming to him very well since it happened. every single night, he saw yams. don't get it wrong he adored seeing the boy, he absolutely loved it, but waking up tore him apart. waking up and realising it was a dream, realising the other was still dead, realising he wasn't okay, that he wasn't coming back no matter what. that broke him. every single morning would be the same, filled with tears. filled with the suffocating truth that was his life. all alone.

he gently lowered himself to the floor and fell down amongst the sunflowers. a few of the leaves poked his back, a few poppy's could be seen showing behind his head, but he didn't care. he just needed to sleep, needed to see yams, just......just one more time. just one more time, he could say goodbye then.

he was ready to say goodbye.... but not until he had seen him for one last chance.

sleep came pretty quickly,for once.

black soon clouded his vision and all his sense were gone, as his only escape  is that dreamland took over.

~~~~~~~~

"you should go inside my love." the two had been cuddling for awhile now. it was relatively cold. 

yams was here, happy and healthy. his face was full and had the pretty pink blush that tsukki had missed so dearly. he was a normal weight. he could walk by himself. he could talk. he was okay. he was well....... but he wasn't real.

"why?"

"it's getting really cold."

a few tears slipped sown kei's face. he said that he'd say goodbye this time, but he didn't want to. he wasn't ready, he couldn't. not yet.

"5 more minutes?" he sounded like a toddler pleading for a later bedtime.

the olive haired boy shifted from tsukki's arms to sitting infront of him.

"just 5." he picked up one of the many sunflowers and held it in his hands, twirling it around a few times. moving even closer to kei, only a few inches separating them now, he cupped the others face. his thumb traced kei's cheeck and lips, eventually just stopping under the boys eye. his other hand carefully tucked kei's hair behind his ear. the flower that was once being twirled around his fingers, was now placed behind tsukki's ear. the pretty yellow making the boys eyes look even more stunning and unique. 

they shared one short kiss. one last kiss. tadashi pulled away and just placed their foreheads together, looking into kei's eyes. he whispered,

"goodnight my love.." kei could feel yams breath against his own lips as the other talked. well sobbed.

 "those 5 minutes felt like a second," tears were streaming down both boys faces now. this was goodbye. goodbye forever. "goodnight dashi.... i'll see you soon."

"not too soon."

"not too soon,no. i still have to plant our garden." tsukki's heart hurt so badly. he had already said goodbye once, how did this time hurt so much more then the last.

"don't forget my flower, tsukki."

"i won't. i promise my love."

with those last few words, and tears nearly drowning the boy, he woke up. in the cold flower field, surrounded by beautiful flowers. only one thing was missing, his flower wasn't lying next to him. not anymore.

he was all alone again.