Havoc of Betrayal

CHAPTER 20 - Emotional Tidalwave

CHAPTER 20

Mathias slipped out of the door after making sure no one was there, down the hall, and through the castle's back doors, avoiding the guards and servants that might be roaming at that hour. He walked against the castle's outer walls for a bit, before heading into the town. Axel and Detrick's house wasn't far, and he chose it on purpose to keep them close. As he made his way down an alley, turning into one busy road, he pulled his hood closer before walking a bit further, into a quieter one, stopping at a door he hadn't been to in a while. He didn't knock, didn't have to. He knew Axel left the door open for Detrick usually, as the latter had complained about it a few times.

Mathias pushed it open, closing it securely behind him before taking off his cloak, tossing it on the table there, then went to the stairs, climbing up. He stopped when he saw Axel's back to him. He frowned, settling atop the steps before taking off his boots, placing them beside him then went further into the small space that made Axel's bed.

"Rick, not now..." Axel breathed. Mathias slipped in behind him, then climbed over him till he was face to face with him, seeing the tears that were falling from his eyes. Axel was quick to reach up, wiping them then said, "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe."

"What is safer than being with you?" Mathias muttered, his hand cupping Axel's cheek, his nose brushing against his as he whispered, "I'm sorry, love. It took me so long to realize what I should have that first time you cried in my arms. And I am so sorry. I wish there was a way for me to fix this. To mend your heart, but it is what life is about. Pain. A lot of pain, and the tiniest bit of joy.

"I know now that you haven't felt like this before, and as happy as I am that you didn't have to, it also makes it so much more painful. My love..." Mathias breathed, pecking Axel's lips as his other hand touched Axel's chest above his heart before he added, "It won't feel so bad forever, I promise." He felt his own tears threaten to fall as he said, "For a while, yes. It seems impossible now but trust me. I've felt this more than once, and even though this is the worst of all those times, I know it won't feel so torturous in a few weeks, in a few months or even in a few years. It will still be there, it won't ever disappear, but it will never hurt to the extent it does now."

Axel took in a deep, shuddered breath before muttering, "Are you sure?" He grabbed Mathias's hand, the one over his chest, holding it tightly, saying, "I can't take this... if this is the way it will be, I don't think I can take it, Mat."

"I am sure." Mathias nodded, "And like you've been holding me up all those years, I will do the same for you. Till you are able to stand by yourself, I will be here. Beside you."

Axel tilted his head ever so slightly, their lips touching as he kissed him softly, a whimper leaving his lips as he did, but this time, he didn't stop. He kissed him. A thank you, and an I love you. His heart was breaking and he hadn't realized it. He didn't grasp what it meant. What it was, and why it felt so horrible. Like a pit in his stomach, a hole in his heart. Loss. He hated what it felt like.

"I don't want to feel this again..." Axel whimpered. Mathias bit his lip before pulling Axel to him, holding him close as the latter wept in his arms.

He kissed Axel's forehead, breathing, "Me neither."

"Then let's make a promise... I won't allow it to happen again. I won't allow anyone to break me this way again."

"And I won't either." Mathias muttered, "I won't allow anyone to do this to you, nor will I allow myself to do it either. If you still want to go to battle, then-..."

"No..." Axel breathed, "I wanted to feel something different that's all. But you are right. You need me here... I need you..."

Mathias let his tears slip as he said, "I bet I need you more..." he mumbled, his hand running up and down the back of Axel's head.