Dear Elle,

24. Are they worth it?

Elle POV

I closed the door on the nursery as Nate had finally settled for his afternoon nap. I rubbed my eyes as I headed back to my bedroom and made a beeline straight for the bed.

I made sure then baby monitor was by the bed as I climbed back in, and pulled the blankets over my legs.

Noah had been gone all night, to say this was unusual would be a lie. This had been a more frequent thing the last couple of weeks - with him just choosing to sleep in his office or sometimes even crash at Lee's.

Not that he would tell me, anyway.

I knew things were bad but I also knew he wasn't telling me half of it. Something was going on. My heart screamed 'affair', but my head told me otherwise.

I missed him. I missed him a lot.

I knew we both had to work things out, but a part of me was so damn stubborn that I just didn't want to.

He needed to fix things.

I sighed as I wiped away the wetness from my eyes and reached into the bedside drawer, pulling out my Mum's letter.

Our families weren't stupid. They knew something was up between the two of us, although I think they just put it down to Nate and the 'adjustment of parenthood' rather than anything else. Dad has popped past one night and given me Mum's next letter.

I'd already read it three times.

Dear Elle,
There is going to be times in your marriage when things start to unravel. There is going to be times where you stop, think and go 'What have I done?'. You'll cry and you'll wonder how on earth your supposed to spend the rest of your life with someone who (at this point in time) you hate.
I want to let you know that it's okay.
Everyone and I mean everyone, goes through moments like this in their marriage - some more frequently than others.
There are pressure points such as work, children and other things that can be an endless strain....but at the end of the day you need to ask yourself - are they worth it? Is the person you married worth it?
When your Dad and I had our arguments, they were pretty bad. Occasionally, I would use the threat of divorce....but in the heat of the moment you say anything to hurt them or to get a reaction. Your Dad and I wouldn't talk for days but eventually we would or we would realise what had gone on and try and sort it out.
Time apart is okay because it can make you realise just what is going on and space can be a blessing, even for just a few hours.
I know how hard things can get, but I also know that couples who go through these things come out stronger because of it. No one has the perfect marriage.
No one.
Couples who say 'Oh we never argue'....yeah, okay. Please.
Marriages aren't perfect and that's because people aren't perfect.
I read something somewhere that really stuck with me - whether it be a novel or magazine - and it was a couple who had been married almost 50 years.
Everytime they had argument she would say 'I love you, but right now in this minute I don't' because even though they had their fights she didn't want her husband to storm out of the house and something bad to happen and for him to know that she didn't love him.
Because arguments last five minutes, loves lasts forever.
It's okay.
Cry, have a break but most importantly talk. I know you and I know that whatever has happened can be fixed.
I love you more than words,
Mum xx

I folded the letter back up and placed it on the bedside as I snuggled into the sheets and pulled Noah's pillow close. I let the remainder of his faint scent wash over me as I closed my eyes and let sleep pull me under.

***

Nate hadn't been awake long when there was knock at the door. I pulled him into my arms as I pulled the door open.