Dear Elle,

25. Stronger, Together.

Elle POV

I heard his car pull up in the driveway and so did Nate.

'Dada!', he called as he lifted himself up from the floor and began to toddle over to the hallway. I heard the door slam and only a few second later the front door open.

'Dada!' Nate repeated as his steps picked up speed. Noah was quiet; but I heard the front door shut and Nate start giggling, a sure sign that Noah had lifted him above his head.

I lifted myself up from the floor and went to meet them in the hallway. Noah was dressed in a pair of sweats, but it wasn't until he looked my way did Lee's words finally make sense.

I knew Noah, better than anyone. I knew his tells and he knew mine.

His hair was facing every direction - he has been pulling at it, stressed.
His eyes were dim and swollen - he had been crying. His shoulders were tense - he was on edge about something.
His knuckles were bloodied - he had been in a fight.

In that moment, any feelings of anger disappeared and I just wanted to hold him. I wanted to take his pain away. I wanted him to hold me back and tell me it was going to be okay.

I missed him. I missed us and god, I loved him more than anything.

I bit my lip as I forced my feet to stay where they were. He locked eyes with me as he wrangled Nate in his arms, holding him tight.

'Hi'

'Hey', I gave him a small smile as he walked towards me.

He let out a breath, 'We need to talk. I need to talk'.

I nodded as I grabbed Nate from his arms, 'I know. But I think, right now you need to go and have a shower. I'll cook. We'll have dinner as a family and then once you've put Nate to bed we can talk. Sound okay?'

He was quiet for a beat, before he nodded 'Sounds good'

I motioned for him to head up the stairs, as I headed towards the kitchen with Nate. 'Elle?'

I looked back, as Noah leaned over the bannister. His eyes spoke volumes and he didn't even say the words.

I just knew.

'I know, Noah'

***

I heard the nursery door close from upstairs, before a pair of feet padded down the stairs. I sipped my coffee, as I pulled my feet up and around me on the couch. There as an additional cup waiting, which Noah eyed as he walked into the room.

'Go down okay?' I asked. Some nights Nate was a dream to go to sleep, other nights he wasn't so great. I had prayed that given what would unfold tonight, he would be a good boy.

Noah nodded 'Yep. Fell asleep pretty easy after his bottle'.

I nodded as he motioned towards the cup. He grabbed it and took a sip 'I think he just missed his Dad' I mused.

'I missed him too. I missed both of you', Noah said as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch. 'Elle, I just....I don't even know where to start or what to say or anything'

I set my mug down and sat up straighter. I needed to be really level headed here. I knew how Noah could get. I'd seen how Noah could get.

'Noah, just talk okay. Just tell me everything. Start to finish. I won't interrupt and once your done. We'll figure it out'

His breath was shaky as he blew out a puff of air. His eyes were looking everywhere but me 'I've fucked up. Like bad. And realistically I couldn't give a shit about any of that cause I'm scared that I'm gonna lose you and Nate....'