Dear Elle,

Bonus: Hold Me.

Elle POV

Today was the day that anything and everything was getting to me. I just wanted to be left alone - but as always it was like the world was trying to piss me off even more and I just didn't want to deal with it.

Not today.

They both knew what today was and knew that I needed them - Noah at a wide berth at least. I was so tired of sneaking around and having to tell different stories to different people about where I was or what I was doing.

He was worth it. I was just tired.

Soccer practice this morning was just not what I wanted on the day where I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. Coach could tell that I was off my game a little, missing a few practice shots. I reassured him at the end of the session that I was all good for Saturday and he had nothing to worry about.

I usually didn't mind, but Lee and Rachel were just being too much and every little giggle, every little kiss was just adding to my mood. It wasn't their fault but I just buried my face in my sceience book and tried desperately to study for the upcoming test next period.

Between school, soccer, Noah, Lee, the prospect of Noah going to Harvard and trying to keep this a secret....things were slipping a little. I was mentally and physically exhausted and the concepts in the books were just staring at me.

I could feel the heat in my cheeks and my eyes starting to burn.

'Elle?' Lee said, his eyes locking with mine. 'What's going on?'

I shook my head as I started to gather my books, 'Nothing. Just so screwed for this science test....'

'You worry way too much. You'll be fine', he laughed but I knew he was saying something different as the bell rang and we gathered our things. I was pretty sure I could feel a seperate pair of eyes burning a hole into the back of my neck from somewhere in the cafeteria as my phone vibrated in my bag.

I shook my head, as I followed Lee and Rachel out.

Just keep it together Elle. You can do it.

***

'That wasn't so bad', Lee groaned as we walked out of the science lab. I heard Ollie behind him choke on a laugh. 'There's been worse'.

'How did you go Elle?', Rachel asked as I just shrugged, as people brushed past us.

'Not so great...'

'Oh c'mon Elle, I'm sure you did fine. It's you', Lee grinned as he swung an arm around Rachel.

'Lee, drop it'

'You hardly ever study, but you breeze through science. It's....'

'Lee....'

'Like you have a supernatural talent. You'll ace this no problem.....'

'Lee, seriously! I cried. My voice came out way to high and all wrong and I could feel my throat tightening as my eyes started to burn. 'I don't need you brag about how well I did, when I know I did a shitty job. Just cut it out'

I needed to get out of here. Like, now. I knew the expression on Lee's face and I knew I was going to have to deal with questions later, but right now I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just crawl under a rock and wait for the end of the day and not deal with anybody.

'Elle....I...', he started as he tried to walk toward me, but I just shook my head.

'It's fine. I'm sorry. I just need to go. Okay. I'll see you later...', I choked as I turned around and started walking. I could hear Lee behind me, still calling my name but I just kept walking until the footsteps stopped.

Why was today so hard? She'd been gone for years but today felt like it was just yesterday? Was it because I needed her more than ever and I wished she was here? Why did it hurt as bad as it had.

I kept my head down as I changed direction heading for the place I knew I could hide and breath. Luckily my hair acted as curtain and I was moving too fast for people to see the tears. I could feel my phone vibrating again in my bag and I hoped that Lee was able to cover for me.

Class was the last place I wanted to be, as I breezed into the library and headed up to the top level. Thanks to a certain someone, a little private study nook tucked away in a certain alclove was only known to some people in particular. I opened the door and sunk to the floor, flinging my bag to the opposite side as I buried my head in my hands, and pulled my knees up to my chest - finally letting go.

***
I didn't move. I didn't flinch. I didn't even lift my head up when I heard the door open a while later.

I knew he would find me.

I heard him shut the door, as his bag sunk to the floor before his body did the same. The tears had stopped, but as soon as his scent hit me and I was enveloped in his arms, they started again.

He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. He just pulled me closer and closer, until I was tucked into his body. He just let me be, his cheek resting on my hair as I gripped his shirt.

What felt like ages after, when the tears had finally dried up, I looked up at him. He smiled as he brushed my wet hair away from my face, his thumbs rubbing against my cheeks.

'I know your not okay, but feel a bit better?', he asked and I nodded.

'Yeah'

'You know you've been off all day', he said as he kept me close. His fingers intertwining with mine. I closed my eyes and shook my head as he squeezed my hand 'You know it's okay, yeah. It's okay to miss your Mum'

'It just hit me today, Noah. I just think everything was piling up and ontop of that this....I've been such a bitch to everyone and now I have to deal with Lee and....'

'He'll understand Elle. Okay? Elle, he already does....' He said, as my hand moved from his as I shot him a questioning expression.

'After you took off, he called me. Asking if I had seen you. Obviously he doesn't know about us but he does know that I also know the reason why you would be so off today. He just asked me to keep an eye out for you....'

'And that's when you ditched Math to come and find me....'

'Always', he smiled. The smile that was only reserved for me, as he pulled me close and lightly kissed my lips.

'Are you okay? Really? I can take you home or we can go back to my place?' He asked after we pulled away and I shook my head.

'Can we just stay here for a littl bit longer? Cause when we leave here, we're not Elle and Noah 'The Couple'....were just Elle and Noah. I just want my boyfriend for a little while longer', I said as I tried to smooth the frown that was forming on his face.

'I promise you soon. Okay? Soon we can let everyone know that your mine....once we deal with Lee first'

That was going to be a battle in itself, which I didn't want to think of right this second. I scooted closer towards him, as he wrapped his arms around me again.

'Elle...' his voice was thick, words being said without words.

'I know, Noah'.

I heard him sigh as he kissed the top of my head, as we heard the bell go off in the distance signalling last period.

We didn't move, choosing our own little world where we could just be.