I Have a Secret (Rapmonster Fanfic)

Lost

A few weeks passed and Oppa and I went on a few more dates. They were all pretty much the same, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I had just gotten back to my dorm after training when my phone started to ring.

"여보세요*?" I answered.
"What the fuck does that mean?" I heard a woman say on the other end of the line. It was my mother.
"Hello," I replied.
"You're American. Speak English," she demanded.
"I'm living in Korea, so I have to speak Korean," I replied trying to keep my cool.
"You know I never wanted you to go to that ching chong country. Right under a communist country, are you insane? And on top of that, you never even call us. You ungrateful little bitch," she said. I bit my lip and took a deep breath.
"Don't you breathe at me! I changed your diapers, I fed you and took care of you and this is how you repay me?! You're turning out exactly like your cousin!" my mother yelled at me over the phone.
"Look, I came over here because that's what I really wanted to do. I'm sorry you didn't support me, I'm sorry I had to do everything on my own, and I'm sorry that I didn't turn out exactly like you wanted me to," I said.
"Oh? You're sorry? Then come back home. If you were really sorry about turning into an utter disappoint, you would come back to America, finish high school here, go to college, get married, and raise a family," she said. I hung up. I locked the door to my room and proceeded to lose my collective shit. I slumped down on the floor and tried to cry, but no tears would come out. I crawled to my drawer and took out my razor. With no one to stop me this time, I took off my pants and cut.

바보**

실망***

아무도 널 사랑해****

I was lost in my... activity and a knock and my door startled me back into reality.

"Lisa-chan? Are you okay? You've been locked in there for a while," I heard Miyako-chan asked from the other side of my door.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'll be out in a minute," I called and scrambled to clean up the mess I made. I finished cleaning and put bandages on my thighs because I didn't have time to stop the bleeding.
"Sorry, I just got a call from my mom," I told Miyako-chan, only half lying.
"Oh, that's okay, what you want for dinner?" she asked. I shrugged and she sighed.
"I don't know either," she said, "I guess ramen then." I agreed and helped her however I could.

***

The next day I went to training in sweat pants and hoped we wouldn't do anything to reopen my cuts. I got through dance training which is what I was worried about and made it the rest of the night perfectly fine. I was about to leave the trainee building when I heard Oppa call me. I froze but quickly recovered and made my way over to him. I was scared. Did he notice? What is he going to say? I took a deep breath just before I reached him.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Follow me," he ordered and I followed him to a more secluded area.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's wrong, I just, we've gone on a few really good dates over the past month or so and I wanted to know if you would be my girlfriend," Oppa said quickly. I was a bit surprised, though I guess I shouldn't have been. We have been dating, so this does make sense.
"Of course I'll be your girlfriend," I said with a smile. Oppa smiled back and pulled me into a hug.
"Hey, I'll walk you back to your dorm. Can I call you jagiya?" he asked.
"Yeah, call me whatever you want," I said. He grabbed my hand and walked me back to the dorm. On our way there, Oppa saw me limping.
"Are you okay? You've been limping for a while," he questioned.
"Yeah, I guess I pushed myself too hard during training," I forced a smile, and it looked like he didn't believe me but he brushed it off.
"Do you want me to carry you back?" he asked.
"Oh, don't worry about it, you don't hav-" I started but was cut off when Oppa picked me up and put me on his back. We got to my dorm and he set me down.
"I'll see you tomorrow, don't push yourself too hard, okay, Jagiya?" Oppa said and left.

I walked inside the bathroom in my dorm and looked at my leg. '아무도 널 사랑해'. I shook my head. I don't deserve him.

*여보세요 - yeoboseyo - hello (on the phone)
**바보 - babo - stupid
***실망 - shilmang - disappointment
****아무도 널 사랑해 - amudo neoreul saranghae - no one loves you