GOLDEN-{SOOGYU}

TEN

It fascinates Soobin how somebody like Beomgyu could exist.

Shining bright, like a burning star that's going to disappear at any moment.

Unapologetic, doing whatever he wishes and being everything he wants to be. Being so real and raw and painful, so alone, but colorful and electric, sending sparks down his spine.

Ungraspable, always at an arm's reach but farther, an imprint rather than something real.

It was weird. It was beyond his imagination that someone could live like this.

And quite literally, Beomgyu was like the sun.

Untouchable, in a way. Too far, too bright, too distracting, on drowsy summer days.

Sunshine had its dark side too, and somehow, Soobin was okay with it. 

(There really isn't a dark side to the sun actually, Soobin decided later. It's just a different glow we could never glimpse.

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To Beomgyu, Soobin was like a ghost.

It was funny at first. How he was so surprised at his antique knowledge, how he was so jumpy and defensive when he was asked about his love life, how he was always so calm and poised but completely opposite in front of him.

It was fun. To tease him, he meant. To flirt carelessly because hey, Soobin would never like him right?

But then, just maybe, he had started to attach onto him. And so, like all of his previous loves, he chased on, fierce and running and not bothering to be discreet because oh well, they won't like him back anyway. 

It was weird, like some sort of self-torture; it was like he anticipated the rejection, the way his heart gripped itself so hard it could burst like it was confirmed that indeed, he was better off alone. 

There was always only himself in the stuffed room that was his heart. 

His Gran would peek from the window from time to time when she was still alive, and Beomgyu would talk to her, but she never really walked in. She wasn't that kind of person, to indulge in someone's emotions. 

And throughout his life, there were multiple people who stood in front of the door to his heart. Some he rejected, some walked away, and some tried to break it all down to have the walls stronger than ever before. 

Some people were given the key if they wanted to come. But they didn't. 

Maybe Beomgyu wouldn't even let them in if they walked closer. 

But Soobin? Soobin seems like he already knew what was inside before he even knocked. Like he would understand, would look at the mess inside his heart and mind and still love it all. 

This knowledge made Beomgyu uneasy. He isn't sure if he should just open the door or re-shackle the doorbolts.

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A few weeks went by and soon it was a month, and Beomgyu didn't do anything. Advancing in his weird relationship with Soobin, he meant.