GOLDEN-{SOOGYU}

ELEVEN

Beomgyu had imagined a lot about Soobin's confession or himself confessing in some situation, but he had never expected it to be so soon.

"You like me?" Soobin's voice was soft, his mouth curled into a hopeful smile. 

"Yeah," Beomgyu managed to whisper, his hands clamming up with sweat. What if- what if? The voices are clogging up and drowning out each other. 

"I love you, stupid," Soobin said, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. 

"But, " Beomgyu started, " Are you sure? I'm such a-- " He's aware he sounds pathetic.

Soobin faked irritation as he struggled to contain his smile. "I'm sure," he replied, patiently sitting on the bed and waiting for an answer.  

Beomgyu feels dizzy as if he swallowed the sun and it's making its way down his throat, lungs, and heart; constricting it, making him breathless. 

It's dizzying, exciting, he could feel his heart soar-- but there's the anxious undertone washing in. The voices are screaming, shouting, in the form of his beating heart, sizzling and boiling and going back to that boy back when he was 12-- the words slipping out before he could acknowledge them. 

"But what if- what if you find out who I really am and you dislike it and you leave?" He breathed. " What if I can't stand myself anymore and I leave?"

There was silence, and the sun Beomgyu just swallowed seem to burn and sear; he had expected this, right? But he couldn't speak, his throat clogged with something hot and painful. 

"That won't happen," Soobin started like he was contemplating his words, choosing the best ones. "I'll stay no matter what, right? I won't break my promise. I'll wait. I love who you are, what that is doesn't matter as long as it's you."

"I know, I understand," Soobin went on, tracing comforting circles on Beomgyu's forearm. "You've gone through a lot. I wish I was there to relieve some of it, wish I could go through it for you. But it's okay now, things are better, and someone loves you. A lot of people love you."

And Beomgyu so badly wanted to believe him, those words acting as a comfortable weight, strung above in his little room of a heart. 

Why does Soobin know all the right things to say? 

"We can try if you want to," Soobin said carefully. "It's okay." His soft gaze lingered.

"Okay," Beomgyu said, "Okay. L-let's try." It felt like giving up in a way, taking down all the locks and barriers he had so meticulously set up since he was young-- but it's going to be alright.  

Soobin engulfed the boy into a gentle hug. "It's going to be okay."

And Beomgyu believed him. Warmth washed away the anxiety, at least for now.

-------------

Things have been okay just like Soobin said. 

Beomgyu expected something to turn upside-down, the air to feel different, but there weren't really any big changes in their lives. They still stayed at each other's place, went out on dinner nights together, worked at the antique shop.