Average Until Now

Chapter 9

Why does my life literally suck? As Joshua walked toward my bed, practically tiptoeing, I realize he just exists to make people miserable. His eyes look at me like I'm a dying puppy, I don't bother hiding my scowl. I'm sitting at the head of the bed, getting the sheets smoothed out as he pulls the stool next to the bed.

"So let's get started, most of your classes have the explanations on the worksheets but I copied the notes down," he says as he hands me a stack of papers and loose leaf papers. "In English we have to write poems towards a partner, and conveniently I've been assigned to you, today we had to come up with an idea. In literature you have to read 8 chapters from where you left off, and we have to discuss the plot today of what you read so far."

When I tell him the plot and the climax, I get lost in beautiful words. I begin talking about how the minor characters help progress the plot, and before I realize it a nurse comes in with my dinner, it's been 2 hours! Joshua tells me about how he thinks that the minor characters really act as main characters, and the main characters are only helping the minor characters. He's so passionate and confidant as he speaks, I wonder how such a useless being can be so smart and be able to understand the depth and beauty of such simple myths and legends.

I begin to think that he isn't that bad until he asks "Why haven't you eaten? It's almost 9:30." He's the reason I'm in here. He's the reason I can't enjoy this school. He's the reason everyone thinks I'm a freak. A nurse comes around to pick up my tray, which I haven't bothered to touch. She then says, "please eat something, you've practically eaten nothing for the past 3 days." I grab the apple as she reluctantly takes the tray away. I avoid eye contact with Joshua, I don't need another person thinking I'm damaged.

He packs his stuff and gets ready to leave, not speaking a word. I pretend to look through the papers, when it's obvious that I have no interest in them. He shuffles his feet towards the door, very loudly. Before leaving the room I say "I don't have an eating disorder. I don't have a sickness or disease. I'm just confused with life," without lifting my head. I then hear "I know, but you're strong." I jerk my head up but he's gone.

I see a piece of folded notebook paper he must have forgotten to pack up on the floor. I pick it up and unfold it. It's a conversation, and Daniel's handwriting is clear, written in all caps like usual.

*WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?
I don't try to... do you think my life goal is to break people down?
YEAH I DO ACTUALLY, ITS THE REASON YOU LEFT ME BROKEN WITH NO FRIENDS IN THE 7TH GRADE.
You didn't accept me for me, I'm a person not a robot. I do have feelings.
ADALIA IS SO SWEET WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ONE OF MY ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS MISERABLE. YOURE HER OWN PERSONAL NIGHTMARE DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry.
TELL HER THAT YOU COWARD!
I wish I could, but I was broken after our friendship ended. I can't stand to break someone else.
ITS A LITTLE LATE NOW
Please just be good to her, I can see she's so unique and amazing. Too good for me. I don't deserve anyone. *

Why didn't he send that? They are more confused than I am, why did I come between these two? I'm a mess that messed up an even bigger mess. What an accomplishment.