letters | dreamnotfound

august 12th, 2018

to the lovely george.

bet you weren't expecting this to come in your mail.
it's been awhile since we've sent a letter to each other, hasn't it?

though i guess our endless hours of texting, facetiming, discord calls, and playing minecraft and other games together makes up for it.

can you believe we've been talking for almost a year now?
what started off with a letter to a stranger, is now formed into such a strong, beautiful friendship.

you're my best friend, george.

i'll be working on a new video, wether it be recording or editing, and i'll see your name pop up on discord or my phone, and i'll instantly find myself to be smiling like a dork.

playing geoguessr together past ungodly hours, hopping on minecraft the second i wake up to play with you and sapnap, hearing you snore at the other end of the line when you fall asleep on our calls, streaming and recording with you.
this is the most fun i've had my entire life.

i remember when you first wrote back to me, i was so utterly shocked and surprised, but so overwhelmed with joy. joyful that someone wrote back to me finally. joyful that someone wanted to be friends with me.

it's crazy where it took us today.

i remember seeing you for the first time, george. picking you up at the airport at 7 am, nervously waiting for you at the baggage claim. god, i remember texting sapnap so many times before you showed up because of how nervous i was.
but then i saw you.

seeing you in person for the first time, felt like a fever dream.

it was different, of course. it was so completely different seeing you up close in real life rather than through a screen. your short, dark hair looked so much softer, your dark eyes that match your hair twinkled so much more, your pink lips smiled harder than i've ever seen.
you even complained later that day how much your cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

hugging you, it felt so right. it felt like you belonged in my arms with yours wrapped around my neck, standing on your tip toes, and the two of us smiling like dorks. hushed words of 'finally' and 'i can't believe you're here'.

we had the most fun together. wether it was just the two of us doing something or with sapnap by our side, we always had fun.

going to the beach together, bowling alleys, movie theaters, cooking together at my house. every moment you were here felt like a dream.

until you went home.

it really really sucked, only having you stay for two weeks. i tried so hard to savor every moment, to not let myself think about the inevitable day coming closer and closer of when we'd have to bring you to the airport to fly back across the ocean that is keeping us apart.

both sapnap and i were so upset. so extremely upset.
but he ended up comforting me the most. he even to this day still teases me about that, how he had to baby me after you left because i was far more devastated than him.

though at the time, i wasn't sure why. why i was so upset, why it hurt me more than it hurt sapnap, why i still continue to yearn for you, why i'm still so desperate to hop on my computer every day and book you another plane ticket then and there.

but with months worth of time to think, to get my feelings together and put the pieces of this jigsaw puzzle together, (and with the minor help of sapnap calling me an oblivious idiot), i know.

i now know my true feelings, george.

i love seeing your face light up on my screen. i love hearing your laughter through my headphones each day. i love seeing the way my supporters adore you just as much as i do. i love the way you've been there by my side since day one to support my dreams of becoming a youtuber. i love how you'll never hesitate to help me edit or record with me. i love how you'll sometimes end up falling asleep over facetime, seeing your face smushed against your pillow with your white comforter tucked up to your nose. i love seeing the blush on your cheeks after i make a questionable, (not so much) joke. i love hearing your morning voice. i love our random 2 am conversations we have, the ones where you'll speak so softly to me as if we're the only ones in the world. i love seeing your smile brighten when you put on your colorblind glasses and admire the world around you. i love the way you'd hold onto my hand when we watched a scary movie together. i love seeing you come out of our guest room every morning when you were visiting us and seeing your messy bed hair. i love how you always thank your supporters for the things they do. i love how much you enjoy doing what you do. i love the way your hands felt so cold against my warm ones. i love how you'll rant about things you're passionate about, i could listen for years on end.

i love you, george. and i have for so long.

i love you. and i don't wanna be just best friends anymore. i want to be able to call you mine.

so this is me, officially asking you.

george davidson, please give me the honor of being the luckiest guy on earth and be my boyfriend. and maybe let me book you another flight here.

maybe this time we can work on getting you a visa to stay for good, just like we've always talked about. :)

patches misses you. sapnap misses you. i miss you. come home, love. my arms is where you belong.
- your hopefully soon to be adoring boyfriend, clay. ♡

p.s. don't worry about sending my hoodie back. it looks cuter on you, anyways.

p.p.s. thank you again for giving me an amazing birthday. even if you weren't here in person to celebrate, it still meant the world to me.
just like you, george, you mean the world to me. you're still my sun, my galaxy, my best friend, my everything.

i love you.