Psychology Facts

▼ Martyr Complex ▼

》A complex is a core pattern of emotions, memories, perceptions, and wishes in the personal unconscious organized around a common theme, such as power or status.

Martyr Complex :

This person needs sympathy and attention by suffering.

It's also meant to evoke guilt. So playing the martyr is a passive-aggressive behavior, and one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism.

A martyr complex can seem very similar to a victim mentality. Both tend to be more common in survivors of abuse or other trauma, especially those who don't have access to adequate coping tools.

A person with a victim mentality typically feels personally victimized by anything that goes wrong, even when the problem, rude behavior, or mishap wasn't directed at them.
They may not show much interest in hearing possible solutions. Instead, they might give the impression of just wanting to wallow in misery.

When someone is "playing the victim," they feel victimized by their life circumstances. They tend to be paranoid, too, suspecting that everyone's out to hurt them. They insist that bad things happens to them, and that they're helpless in the face of insurmountable, cruel odds.

A martyr complex goes beyond this. People with a martyr complex don't just feel victimized. They typically seem to go out of their way to find situations that are likely to cause distress or other suffering.

A person with a martyr complex also often take on unnecessary burdens and sacrifice their own needs for others.

Being in a romantic relationship with someone with a martyr complex:

you need to walk on eggshells around your partner's feelings, or they'll turn defensive;
you're always wrong, and always the one apologizing;

your partner gaslights you into believing you are the cause of their suffering;

no matter how hard you try, you can't make them happy;

the smallest misunderstanding turns into a huge argument.

Martyr complex can be a result of trauma or abuse.

But when martyr complex is a symptom of a larger narcissistic pattern of behavior, it almost always starts in childhood, in the family of origin.

We all have a little bit of martyr in us. We all bite off a little more than we can chew, and then feel hurt when we're not praised and idolized for out efforts.

The good news is, if you're self-aware enough to recognize it in yourself and to want to change, it's completely correctable. Here are a few things you can do to fix this:

Stop taking on extra work to prove that you can.

Start delegating: it doesn't have to be done your way to get done.

If you do choose to do something, do it unconditionally.

Don't expect to be rewarded with praise or favors, otherwise, it's selfish.

Start taking responsibility for when you're wrong. No one is right all the time. If you feel that you are, it's time to re-evaluate your priorities.

Respect other people's boundaries. They may be different from yours, and you may think they're silly.

If you don't feel appreciated for the things you do, stop doing them. That's the healthy response. Doing them over and over again and feeling resentful of people not appreciating your sacrifices — that's martyr complex.