Psychology Facts

▼ Manipulation ▼

》Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through indirect, deceptive, or underhanded tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at another's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative and devious.

》In maintaining control to do what they wish, manipulators aim:

1. avoid being confronted

2. To put you on the defensive

3. To make you doubt yourself and your perceptions

4. To hide their aggressive intent

5. To avoid responsibility

6. To not have to change

》Some Manipulation methods include:

Intimidation:

Intimidation doesn't always involve direct threats. It can be achieved with a look or tone and statements like: "I always get my way;" "No one's irreplaceable;"
Another strategy is telling a story meant to provoke fear, such as: "She left her husband and lost her kids, their house, everything."

Blame, Guilt, and Shame:

These a defense where the manipulator accuses others of his or own behavior. Manipulators believe "The best defense is a good offense."

Lying:

Habitual liars sometimes lie when it's unnecessary. They aren't lying because they're afraid and guilty, but to confuse you and do what they want.

Playing the Victim:

This is distinct from blaming the victim. Rather than blame you, this "poor me" tactic arouses your guilt and sympathy so you'll do their bidding.

Denial:

The manipulator acts as if you're making a big deal over nothing or rationalizes and excuses his or her actions to make you doubt yourself or even to gain your sympathy.

Jokes At Your Expense:

Another tactic used by manipulators is making jokes at your expense – especially in front of others.  Maybe they tease you online, or seek to humiliate you in front of others by making fun of the way you walk, talk, or dress, or even worse, about something you can't control such as your eyes, nose, ears, face, height or skin color.

Guilt Trips:

A guilt trip is a feeling of guilt or responsibility, especially an unjustified one induced by someone else.

I thought we were friends"

"I thought I could count on you"

"I can't believe how selfish you are!"

"I've always been there for you and now you can't even lift a finger to help me?"

》Short Term Effects (of being manipulated):

Surprise and confusion – feeling like whatever is happening can't possibly be so, wondering why the person who has been a friend or loved one is now acting as a complete stranger.

Questioning self – you may find yourself wondering if you really remember things right or if something is wrong with you. This is a result of everything you do being questioned, or being told that you remember things wrong and the manipulative party is right.

Anxiety and vigilance – in order to avoid future manipulation, you may become hypervigilant toward yourself and others. This is a means of avoiding behaviors that might rock the boat, or looking for behavior in others that points toward an outburst.

Being passive – as taking action can lead to more pain in an emotionally abusive relationship, being passive can become the default. It is something that can be hard not to do when you are in a situation as stressful as one can be.

Shame and guilt – you may find yourself feeling guilty or blaming yourself for setting off the manipulative presence in your life. As they may blame you, it can become harder not to take that out on yourself, which leads to feeling even worse.

Avoiding eye contact – you may end up avoiding eye contact and becoming smaller inside of yourself in order to take up less space and feel less likely to be picked on by the manipulators

Walking on eggshells – not knowing what will cause a spike in behavior from the other person can lead to thinking excessively about every little thing you do in order to ensure you don't upset or anger the manipulator.

》Long Term Effects Of Emotional Manipulation:

Isolation and numbness – you become an observer rather than someone who acts. You may feel little to nothing at all, even in situations which should make you joyful. This can make you feel hopeless and damaged, unable to ever feel emotions again.

Requiring approval – this manifests in ways like excessive accomplishing, being nice to everyone, being a people pleaser, and being focused on appearance. After feeling like you were not enough for a long period of time, your instinct is to make yourself seem perfect so others will appreciate you.

Feeling resentful – this can show as frustration, impatience, irritability, and blame. Resentment inevitably requires release, but this can be hard to seek and allow. After someone treats you badly, it can be hard to see anything but that bad behavior.

Excessive judging – you may find yourself watching for what others are doing and holding people, including yourself, to very high standards. This is a means of feeling in control after not being in control. This often requires time and self-compassion to move past.

Depressive disorder and anxiety – following manipulation or other emotional abuse, there are so many lies that have been told that you can often believe them yourself. However, the good news is that it can be healed, over time.

In addition to these signs, Stockholm syndrome is also common in these types of situations.

》Many people become aware they are being manipulated but are not sure how to handle the situation. The first thing to keep in mind is to always consider your safety above all else. However, there are a few suggested ways to better understand the other person and their motivations that can be tried:

Be direct and honest. Do not participate in situations that escalate the manipulation when you can help it.

Ask questions of the manipulative person and find out if they will directly tell you what it is they want.

Do not share how the manipulative acts make you feel, those feelings will likely be exploited later

Try to avoid being guilted or shamed into doing something.

If the other person threatens you, ask them about it rather than avoiding the situation.