The Darkest Secret

WHY?

A week after the accident my parents organised counselling for me. They say it was such a terrible thing that I should never have had to witness and this councillor will help me to move on and to forget. But what if I don’t want to move on, what if I don’t want to forget. Honestly how am I supposed to continue on like normal after what I have done. I mean just think if you killed anyone at all how would you feel?  Now picture that person as your brother or sister. How could you possibly move on like nothing happened? There gone and it’s all your fault. Hurts doesn’t it. The counsellor was surprisingly nice even though she kept saying things like “You can’t blame yourself it’s not your fault.” If only she knew. But that’s what you get when you kill your sister and lie to cover your arse no one can possibly understand what you’re feeling. Then there’s the feeling of betrayal, your parents trusted you without questioning and you lie, you betray them. But even worse you lie about your sister’s death. You probably are thinking how selfish I am and your right I’m selfish but there’s no way I can come clean at least not now. Not after I have lied for so long.

                                                               *********************************

My best friend Mia and I are like sisters we tell each other everything, well almost everything. One afternoon during hockey training whilst I was gasbagging to someone on the other team, the ball was hit at me. It hit the inside of my ankle hard sending me to the ground in agony. I limped to the car where Mia’s mum was waiting to take me home. The next day I was home from school as I couldn’t walk however that afternoon Mia came straight over to see if I was ok and to tell me what homework we had been given, well so she said. This was the day that I realised just how much I love her and how she always has been and always will be my best friend.

 Like the friend Mia is she got sick of waiting for me to answer my phone and just casually rocked up at my place one afternoon. Although I really didn’t want to see anyone she was my best friend and how could one possibly turn away their best friend. Mia had always been there for me with advice on anything and everything so if I was ever going to tell anyone the truth it would have to be her.

She entered my room and just like always commented on her favourite pictures. For that split second everything felt normal. But then reality came crashing down and so did the tears. Mia ran over and hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. She whispered “everything is going to be alright” and “we will get through this together.” That’s when I realised I had to trust her and out of everyone I had to tell her. So I started from the start and explained everything. I told her about how we were pushing each other, I told her about the car but most of all how I lied and how I feel. She as you can imagine was shocked but surprisingly she reacted better than I expected. Surprisingly she hugged me again and said I’m here for you. Not what I expected after all I did kill my sister. I looked at her with questioning eyes and she simply said “You didn’t mean to, I understand and I want to help.” That’s when I realised how close we really where and that nothing could come between us.