thirty - "I'm glad he has you now"

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W I L L O W

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W I L L O W

There are moments in life where I feel like I'll wake up soon and it'll just be a nightmare. I've never been alive and had some type of emotional connection while losing someone. I never knew my dad and even if it hurts me in a different way that he died before I even met him the pain I'm feeling right now is a different kind of pain. This pain is eating me alive. It's blocking air from entering my lungs and it feels like my head is spinning. The white walls of the hospital hall is spinning and I'm biting at my fingernails even harder, making some of them bleed. This is how I cope with anxiety.

It hasn't been too long since the ambulance got us here to the hospital. They took Sargent into the emergency room immedietly and I haven't seen him since than. I looked at my shirt and the blood stains were almost dried out. Sargent's blood...My god. The tears I tried to stop came back and I couldn't stop them.

"Willow!" I heard a voice and I looked up at the person.

"Cody! Thank god you're here I'm losing my mind!" I said and we hugged each other. Thank god someone's here.

Before he could say anything the doors to the emergency room opened and a nurse ran out in a hurry, "We need A positive blood immedietly, do any of you share the same blood type as the patient?" She asked and my heart stopped.

"I-I do!" I yelled and I followed her to the blood donor department and I was praying the whole time in my head.

"Will he be alright?" I asked as the nurse took out the needle out of my arm.

"We are doing everything we can, he lost too much blood but he's a strong young man" she said and I nodded my head as I blinked away the tears in my eyes.

I can't help but blame myself. Did he do this because of me? Was I way too harsh on him? Maybe I was. I drove the guy I-I like to suicide...Maybe I don't deserve to like him since I made him...

"Don't overthink, this has nothing to do with you...This is not the first time" I heard Cody behind me as he gave my arm a quick squeeze.

"YOU! You did this to Sargent! This is all your fault!"

"Sam! You're in the hospital stop screaming" I heard Gray trying to calm his crying sister down as I just took in the scene, not saying a thing.

"Don't tell me what to do! Ever since he met her he has been acting weird!"

"You can't blame this on me Samantha..." I said, unsure of my voice. I was so close to...breaking down.

I can't help but agree with her words. Ever since...ever since...Maybe it's my fault because I made him sad. But I can't exactly tell her that I'm in l-love with her bestfriend that she's so into because I'm not sure if he feels the same because we've kissed a few times in the heat of a moment and I have insecurities and I can't help but being scared...But I was ready to try...try trusting us, together, give in to the chaos. I was on my way to tell him that even if he...ruined me in the process of finding us, I was ready to face my fear of rejection. How much could I go around and deny my feelings?

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