Abducted [W&W Book 3]

Chapter 27

Over the next few days Ildri continued to take her walks around the castle, venturing ever further from the castle walls, even moving into the forest simply because she could.  She returned each time feeling shaky and covered in goose bumps but also with a tentative sense of triumph.  She had been so far from Wildwood and she had done so many things.  She would not return to living the life of a recluse, controlled by the things she feared, she told herself.

After one of Ildri's short walks, she returned to the kitchen to find chef alone.

"Did you need help?" Ildri asked.

"No," chef said.  It was becoming her customary response and Ildri wondered if there was even a reason for Ildri to continue working there if she was never needed.  Chef continued speaking, unaware of Ildri's thoughts, "But I wanted to speak to you."

"Oh.  If you want to," Ildri agreed, carefully.

Chef sat down at one of the chairs, a rare enough act in itself for the busy woman.  Ildri sat down near to her.  "I'm worried about you, Ildri," chef said gently.

"I'm fine," Ildri told her.

"I know that you were told not to talk about what happened, Ildri, and I'm not asking you to do that.  But I want you to know, that grieving is normal."

"Grieving?" Ildri asked, surprised.

"I know that you thought—I know that you loved Saul," chef continued kindly.  "But he's surely dead, there was a lot of blood and his body dragged away by animals so there's no closure.  I know it probably hurts to even think about it, but time will heal your heart.  You're still young, you'll find someone else."

Ildri let out a nervous chuckle in surprise.  "I'm not grieving for Saul," she said.

"I know, dear," chef said in a voice that said exactly the opposite of her words.

"Really, I'm fine," Ildri reiterated.

"Ildri, give me the benefit of the doubt.  I've known you for years, I practically raised you.  You're like a daughter to me.  I know what you are like.  You're not you, not the way you were.  You used to be so happy, you would sing when you worked, you smiled all the time.  You loved being around others.  But now you slip around with a sad smile that is not even a ghost of your former happiness.  You avoid people.  I know perhaps it is hard to talk about but it really is normal to be sad after a loss like yours.  I can't know what it was like for you, but it's not good to cut yourself off from everyone."

Ildri nodded, because it was clear that chef could tell that something was different inside Ildri, but it was not Saul who she was grieving.  Was it Ty's absense that was making her feel so unsettled?

Yet Ildri had not known him long enough to miss him or need to grieve for him.  He was just like a flash of lightning in her life, there for a second and then gone.  Was what she was feeling echoing thunder?

Chef seemed to be finished with her, so Ildri said, "I think you're right.  I need to go and lay down now."

Chef let out a sigh and said, "Rest will be good for you, Ildri."

"Thanks," Ildri said, feeling a bit bad that she was worrying the woman who cared about her so much.  She was troubling her just as Ildri had brought trouble to Ty.

Ildri sat in her room, wondering if it really was grief that was making her so miserable.  Was it grief, or was it guilt?

* * * * *

Ildri languished around the castle for days that stretched into weeks.  It was almost a month since she had returned home to Wildwood that her new habit of brooding aimlessly was finally interrupted by a most unexpected surprise.