Nevermore

Chapter 12

It will take time to fully reenter normality. For now, I take the time to fully rest and recuperate. As always, Roshan barely leaves my side unless he needs to. I'm not sure whether I feel grateful or smothered by all his attention. 

He is patient as ever, and gives me time to rest. Still, he uses any and ever opportunity to hold my hand or 'accidentally' brush me. We haven't kissed since that night, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do it again. I know he will wait for me.

For now, I am content to stray out into the garden. I have taken to sitting among the flowers for hours, taking the time to study each and every minuscule detail. I observe the way the dew drops catch the light of the sun. They refract colors i don't know the names of. I will lay on my back and close my eyes, enjoying the lush, dark soil beneath my tired body. My hands will grip fistfuls of the nutrient rich ground. A placenta for plants. As always, I listen for the birds. 

Today, I sit by the cluster of marigolds. I tenderly reach out to touch the rich skirts of the flowers. I am completely silent. I like the quiet of nature. I like the organic stillness of it all. 

The sun shines down on Roshan's clearing. It gently kisses my shoulders. A sigh, like a breeze, escapes my lips. I wonder if it is possible. I wonder if one can ever stop being human. What if one could just dissipate into energy and starstuff? 

I close my eyes. I shouldn't let those thoughts occupy my head. I tried it once, and failed. I will not try it again. 

When I open my eyes, Roshan is staring at me. He leans against a tree bordering the entrance to the forest. Though he stands in the shade, dappled sunlight singes his features. The lines of his body are ignited in quiet flame. 

His eyes bore evenly into mine. His head falls back against the rough bark. I blush, uncomfortable with the intensity of his gaze. My eyes avert themselves to the petals of the flowers around me. 

I know I kissed him, but... 

There  is still so much we do not know about each other. There's still so much I don't know about him. I'm not sure if I even know who I am. 

 I turn my face back towards the enigma that is Roshan. He has turned his face towards the side, so know all I can see is his sharp profile. His lithe body is relaxed, but still. 

Without looking at me, he asks, "What are you thinking about?"

A smile tugs at my lips. It seems like an eternity since he last asked me that.

"Anything and everything," I answer cryptically.

Our eyes meet. A smirk tugs at his lush lips, and a few beats of silence pass. 

"You should be a poet," he replies sarcastically. 

I chuckle. At the palace, I was fortunate enough to be allowed an education. Too many girls my age were not allowed to attend school. Despite the nightmare that was my life in the kingdom, I was allotted that privilege. Language was always my favorite subject.

I did write poetry. 

After everything that happened I stopped. What I wouldn't give for some paper and ink. I remember the way the words just coalesced on the page, how they crept out from under the hedges. 

I miss them. I miss the words. 

A story. I need a story. 

I turn to Roshan. "Tell me a story," I command. 

He stills for a second, surprised by my seemingly random request. He awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck. 

"I'm not very good at making up stories," he replies.

I give him a look. "Then tell one of your stories. You must have lots of exciting tales to tell," I eagerly continue. 

I stare at him expectantly, refusing to break eye contact until he opens his mouth.

"Alright! I'll tell you a story," he relents.

He walks over to where I've been sitting and plops himself down unto the warm, rich soil. The sunlight turns his skin to gold. 

He takes a moment to get settled. I can see him flipping through the various storybooks of his lifetime, trying to choose a tale to tell. After a few moments, his eyes light with a story. 

"I've never had the opportunity to tell someone this story, so you have the honor of being the first," he begins. 

I nod, waiting for him to continue. He does.

"One day, I ventured out into the jungle. I was young, maybe thirteen, and restless. There are many adventures waiting in that forest, and I decided to dive right in. I remember the blistering heat, and retreating into the cool shade of the trees. I walked for a little while, my head craned back to look up into the treetops. Suddenly, I had the notion of climbing to the very top of one of the trees. I chose a tall one with thick, sprawling branches," he pauses, eyes glazed over with the memory.

"It was a beautiful tree, but I couldn't see that the branches were rotting on the inside. I was to reckless to really pay attention. I didn't care. I climbed til the branches got too small to hold my weight. I stayed there for a little while, just sitting among the leaves and lichen. Suddenly, I heard a sickening cracking sound. The branch I was sitting on was breaking, and I was going to fall from the top of the tree. There was no time to climb down. The ground was already rushing up to meet me," he continues. 

"I don't remember the pain. It's funny how that works. I was by myself, and there was no one to help me. My arm was broken. I just lay there, still and quiet as can be. The world was just dappled sunlight and green. It was peaceful. Suddenly, I heard the most pitiful noise. I turned my head, and saw a crushed bird's nest. When I broke the branch, the nest must have fallen with me. All the eggs were broken, and the yolks were running into the broken twigs. The mother bird lay there, crying endlessly. Her wing was broken. There is nothing sadder than a bird with broken wings," he says seriously. 

"My heart broke in half that day. With the little strength I could muster, I pulled myself to my feet and crouched to gather the broken bird in my good hand. She kept screaming. I stroked her head until she eventually fell silent. I don't know how I managed, but I got us both back to the hut safely. For about a month, I nursed us both back to health. The bird became tame, and ate straight from the palm of my hand. Forgiveness. I had taken her unborn children, and she placed her trust in me. There are some things very few can achieve. Forgiveness is one of them. Eventually, she healed completely. The bird flew away, and I haven't seen her since. It's hard to forgive others, but the hardest thing is to forgive yourself," he finishes. 

Roshan raises his eyes to mine. The fire of his irises has become a muted glow. I don't really know what to say. 

"Have you forgiven yourself?" I ask him.

"Not yet, but I'm trying," he answers honestly. 

Forgiveness? Could I learn to forgive Biren, to forgive myself? Both seem impossible. 

I glance back up at Roshan. Who is this man? Who is this boy with unassuming wisdom? 

"Roshan...," I trail off, not sure where to go from here. 

He looks at me expectantly. 

"Why were you alone? Where are you from?" I ask him. My curiosity is reaching its breaking point. Plus, after all I told him, it only seems fair he'd share his past. 

He smiles sadly. 

"That's another story for another day," he answers. 

With that, he gets up and stalks away into the shade of the trees. 

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Alright! I know I've missed my updates, but I've been so busy and sick lately. More of this story is on its way. Please comment or vote! You can't begin to understand how much my lovely readers/followers motivate me to write. 

I know this story is getting pretty heavy, and I'm going to try to lighten the mood. Don't expect happiness overnight, though! 

Thank you so much! XOXOXO