Ignite

Chapter 40

"Hey Sylvia, can we talk?"

Sylvia is sitting at the dining table, reading a book with a glass of wine as the setting sun illuminates the kitchen behind her. She looks up and puts the book down, taking off her glasses.

"I thought you were ignoring me."

I grimace and give her an apologetic shrug.

After my talk with Jake, I'd spent the rest of the afternoon locked in my room and unleashing an unoriginal teenage cattiness on Sylvia and Peter every time they tried to talk to me. I hadn't meant to, but whenever I thought about how upset Jake would be, how terribly I was about to betray his trust, I'd lashed out and screamed at anyone near me.

"Sorry. I've had a bit on my mind."

Sylvia nods and pulls out the chair next to her before moving to the kitchen cupboards and grabbing the hot chocolate powder.

I sit as she makes a cup and then places it in front of me, guilt gnawing at my stomach.

"So, what happened?"

She sits back down and looks at me, but I just stare at my hot chocolate, watching the marshmallows bob around. Sylvia rarely let us have marsh mellows.

"I just... I had an argument with Lewis at the game. Jake started another fight a week ago and Lewis knew, but he didn't tell me. Neither did Jake."

I cut off and look at my hands.

"It's scared me, Sylvia. I thought Jake was coping, but he's clearly not."

Sylvia cocks her head and glances up the stairs to where Jake is locked in his room.

"What makes you so sure Jake isn't getting better?"

"A lot of things," I say, and frustration rings in my voice. "The fighting for one, and I think he's started smoking again. He got into a punch up with a drug dealer, for God's sake!"

Sylvia looks alarmed.

"A drug dealer?"

"Yeah."

Sylvia frowns and glances down at the table. "That's not good."

"No. He just seems so much sadder, Sylvia. I don't know what to do."

Sylvia sits back.

"The drug dealer is... worrying, but Jake being sad isn't necessarily a bad thing, Claude," she says. "It's been a long time coming."

I stare at her, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

Sylvia glances up the stairs again and motions towards the hot chocolate. I pick it up and take a small sip, letting its sweetness explode into my mouth.

"You and Jake have dealt with what happened in very different ways," she says. "Your reaction was more immediate, but Jake... he's been suppressing it for so long. It was worrying me, even he's counsellor—"

"He hasn't been seeing his counsellor," I interrupt, ignoring a stab of guilt. "He stopped going weeks ago."

Sylvia smiles crookedly.

"I know. The clinic called and told me about his absences the moment they started."

I blink at her. "Why do you still drive him there every week?"

Sylvia sighs and looks away.

"We were hoping he'd eventually go back himself. It'll be easier for him if he doesn't have to ask me to set up new appointments, to admit he's struggling. So, I've kept taking him."

"They know he's there and they let him wander off?"

"Not exactly. They watch him. During his appointments, one therapist follows him while I update another on how he's going. They've been giving me advice on how to handle everything."

I look down at my hands.

"You really don't think all of this is bad?"

Sylvia smiles at me gently.

"Of course, I do, but Jake needs to take this at his own pace. Trying to force him into getting better won't help."

I grimace, thinking back to the darkness I'd been immersed in a few weeks ago, when Mum had taken up every thought.

"And if Jake can trust some of his friends, it's not a bad thing. Particularly if those friends are loyal enough that they won't spill his secrets to everyone curious enough to ask."

Sylvia gives me a meaningful look and I round on her.

"If you're talking about Lewis, that's not fair. I'm not just anyone. I'm—"

Sylvia's look silences me and I fall quiet.

"You think I should apologise to him?" I ask eventually.

Sylvia pats my hand.

"All I'm saying is that what happened wasn't Lewis's fault, and maybe it's easier for you to be angry with him than Jake."

I bite my lip, unwilling to admit she may be right.

"And I should leave Jake alone? Let him sort this stuff out himself?"

"No, I'm not so sure about that. If there's anything that could motivate Jake to do something he doesn't want to do, it's you. But you'll have to be patient with him."

I nod, taking another sip of my hot chocolate, somehow feeling both relieved and glum at the same time.

"I told him I'd tell you about the therapy thing," I admit. "He'll find it strange if you don't mention it when you take him next time."

Sylvia stands up and kisses the top of my head.

"That's alright. I'll tell him. Doesn't mean we'll stop going."

I give her a weak smile.

"Thanks Sylvia."

"That's alright," she says. "I know you two may not always be happy here, but I'm glad you came to us. I can't remember what it was like before you did."

I had to admit, I couldn't really either.