All I Want (Remus Lupin/reader)

chapter four

You wake up from your nap feeling refreshed, for the first time in a few days you didn't have nightmares. You get up and look out the window, it's still bright out. Walking through the bedroom door, you notice that Remus isn't in the living room. There's nowhere else in the house he could be without you knowing. The cover you gave Remus is folded neatly on the couch.

Suddenly the front door opens and you instinctively draw your wand from your pocket. Standing in the door is Lupin, staring at you with wide eyes. "Y/N! I'm sorry I went to get some things from the market. I didn't want to wake you." You sigh and put your wand up. Of course that's where he was. He wouldn't abandon you.

Lupin sets several things down on the counter and begins to put them away in their designated spots. You stand in the same spot you had before, twiddling your thumbs. You couldn't help but feel awkward not knowing having anything to do. Not being in constant motion made you feel a little out of place. There weren't many calm moments at the Burrow or at Hogwarts. Being here was definitely a change of pace that you were going to have to adjust to.

"Did you sleep well?" Remus asked, turning around and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Yes I did. For the first time in a while actually. I haven't exactly gotten used to being able to sit back and worry about myself for a while," you replied.

"I know the feeling. Although it is not only me I worry about but you as well. I know you're completely capable of doing things on your own but you've just had a part of your life taken away so I want to be here for you in any way you need," Remus said, looking you straight in the eye.

Something inside you hoped that being there for you meant forever, and not just while you're coping with your parents' deaths. Ignoring that thought, you smiled at him, "You don't know how much that means to me, really."

Letting the corners of his mouth come up, Lupin walked past you and sat on the couch.Turning on the spot you watched him as he crossed one leg over the other and picked up a book. You honestly didn't know what to do. Your mind made you want to be busy, made you feel like you had to be. Keeping busy was the only thing that controlled your mind from wandering onto your parents and the hole that was trying to heal itself inside you.

At this point Remus had put his book down and was looking at you with concern, "Are you alright Y/N?" Noticing that you had been standing planted on the spot, you moved to the couch to sit on the opposite side of Lupin, "Yes. I'm fine. I'm just feeling a bit restless is all. I feel like I should be doing something right now."

"You're doing the right thing. I promise. Not only are you keeping yourself safe, you're keeping me company," Remus said with a slight smirk. Feeling the blood rush to your face, you turn away from him so he can't see the effect he has on you. Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn, although you know it can only be Remus's hand. He had inched closer while you were turned away and he looked at you with earnest.

"There is no other place you should be right now other than hear. You are safe and I am here to protect you. I don't think I would be able to sleep at night knowing you could be in danger. Besides, I'm sure Molly would have a meltdown if you were to run off as well. We all know how much it has taken a toll on her to not know the whereabouts of Ron, Harry, and Hermione," Lupin concluded.

You knew he was right. This is where you needed to be. You had to be safe for Harry, Ron, and Hermione's sake. If someone were to get hold of you it would jeopardize the mission. Even though it pained you to sit still and wait you would do it for them. And for Remus.

"You're right. You're always right," you laughed softly. Lupin shook his head and chuckled as well, "I don't know about that." Realizing his hand was still on your shoulder, Lupin moved his hand to his lap. You couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment. Deciding to be a bold Slytherin you said, "I care about you as well. I would do anything in my power to keep you safe Remus."

It wasn't what you really wanted to say but it was early in your affection for Remus. You wanted your feelings to develop for him a while longer and see what happens. You had always taken a liking to Remus but because you were a student until now you never dared think of him as anything more than a friend. Spending time with him was making you feel otherwise.

"I'm glad you feel that way Y/N," Lupin smiled. You couldn't tell what he meant by that. Was he hinting at something or were just looking into it too much? You didn't want to think it was the latter so you dropped it.

Remus sighed deeply, drawing you out of your thoughts. "The full moon approaches," he whispered. You knew this meant he would start to feel bad soon. Would he be okay? Sensing your worry Remus said, "I have plenty of Wolfsbane. I also have the things to make too. I will leave the house when it's about time so you have nothing to worry about." Although he aimed to reassure you it didn't. It wasn't you that you feared for, it was him.

"Will you be alright?" you asked, trying not to sound too urgent. "Yes. Don't fret, I will be fine," Lupin answered. His response didn't put you at ease whatsoever, but you didn't want to push it.

After a few minutes of silence from you, Lupin picked his book back up and continued to read. You picked one up as well and began to read too.

You completely lost track of time and when you looked out the window it was dark. Remus seemed to realize as well, for he placed his book back on the table and got up. He walked over to the kitchen and began to pull out a pan and a few other items. From your position on the couch you could only see Remus's back. You could hear sizzling and smell bacon.

Soon Remus returned, brandishing two plates. He handed one to you and sat down. He began to eat so you took that as your que to eat as well. You both ate in comfortable silence; the only noises that could be heard was the scrape of a fork against your plates ever so often.

Once you had both finished Remus took your plates to the sink and washed them off. He returned and looked at you, "It seems pretty late. I think I'll be heading to bed." You could tell he was tired and wanted to sleep but didn't want to be impolite and tell you to get up. You stood and told him goodnight, leaving to go to your room.

You layed in bed for a while, mind drifting everywhere. What would you do when this was over? It wasn't like you were going to return to school, you were finished. You would need to find a job. But where would you work? Where would you go? These thoughts plagued you as you went to sleep.

Contradictory to your nap earlier in the day, your sleep was riddled with nightmares. You saw scenes of your parents bodies, although you never saw them dead. You saw the face of Greyback. You suddenly awake, tears streaming from your face. There was a soft knock on the door, "Y/N can I come in?" You tried to quickly wipe your tears, replying with a weak, "Yes".

Lupin walked in and sat next to you on the bed. "You were screaming. I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said softly. You sniffled, "I had a nightmare. It was about my parents and Greyback." Lupin nodded his head and frowned slightly. He didn't like seeing you cry.

"Can I tell you something?" Remus said finally. "Of course," you murmured. "I thought you would avoid me after your parents died. I thought you'd despise what I am," he confessed. "Why would I ever do that?" you asked, suppressing your continuous tears. "Greyback is a werewolf. I'm a werewolf," he spat.

"Remus," you pleaded, "you are not just a werewolf. You are an incredible person. I could never despise you. You are wonderful in every way. You aren't Greyback. Greyback is nowhere near as caring and brave as you." You were afraid you had said too much but before you knew it Remus had wrapped his arms around you. "That means the world to me," he shuddered.

Your heart felt like it would burst out of your chest. You rubbed Lupin's back as his hand came up to stroke your hair. You sat like this for a while before you slowly drifted off.

AUTHOR'S NOTE/////

I feel like I'm moving too fast but moving too slow at the same time. This chapter was half a day and so was the last one. Maybe it's just me. I'll try to pick up the pace. This story is going to cover a long time. I want it to be long but not every chapter only contain the events of one day. If there are any mistakes or you guys want to suggest something please do! I hope you have a great day and I love you guys!!!!