A Drawing of Me and You (An OuMota Fanfic)

Chapter 10: My Feelings

[Kaito's POV]
[2K read special, I expose this to the world]

I sat in my room. Another damned day here.. To be honest, I at first thought it would be almost insufferable with him here but he's grown on me I must say. There's times at night where I just want to look up in the sky and see us written in the stars.
To just give me some form of sign that my feelings are true.

I'm so confused, like my mind is spinning around in circles to figure out whatever I'm feeling. My body felt a bit tense and stiff. It's- weird. What my emotions are..

I need to do something about these feelings though, express them in some way that the rest of the world wouldn't see besides me. I couldn't shout it, cry about it, talk about it.. It feels like if I speak one damn word about it, the universe would crumble apart and I'd be left with nothing but my tears. 

My violet eyes darted across the room to make sure that my imagination was just playing tricks with me again and sighed out of relief. 
Phew. No crumbling world. 

I finally let myself relax now that the whole hallucination thing was over.
What do I even do though? I know it's stressing me out that I can only just sit here and let it build up with all of the other emotions I feel. It's like I'm overfilling a jar, ready to topple over and collapse. Shattering letting everything out and saying how I really feel instead of keeping this constant happy-angry act all fucking day. 

It's just what I only should feel.. Isn't it?

Kokichi would be calling me a dumbass right now if he saw me like this. He would say shut the hell up with all the sad bs and that I deserve to be happy. Well, not exactly that of course. I just add in more curse words to it to fill in gaps that I can't seem to figure which adjectives go where. As well as maybe just wished he would say the last part.

I wish anyone would say it.

'Kaito Momota, you deserve to be happy like everyone else.' 

They'll probably be the last words I hear before I fucking die in this mess again. A mess of my own emotions and it feels like I can't even escape them. Sigh.

Being trapped in my own feelings feels ironic in every way. I'm the guy who gives advice to everyone, is always positive, tries to make others  positive. A heroic guy! All just a sham. But him.

He challenged me to confront my own emotions, change from my normal and gave me a new meaning to my own feelings. I'd like to share this sort of connection that I feel I have. But- people would dismiss it. They would think that something was wrong with me. It feels like they can't see things the way I do.

That's fine with me! If they can't see what I can, then so be it. I have to really stand up for my own feelings sometimes. I can't just- keep brushing them off like nothing. My feelings are real. And to other people they are; I'd hope.

I saw a clipboard with a blank sheet upon it, accompanied with a pencil. Though, it had suddenly piqued my curiosity. I slowly picked it up, and got an idea. It would solve my problems and it'd feel like a tiny gift.

I began to scribble on it to my heart's content. Tried the best I could, and I would say it was my best drawing yet! Haha! 

It was actually probably just a bit of a simple drawing, but in detail it was a drawing of me and him. We were holding hands (to the best of my ability) and I tried to make the background look like space. 

Us, together. What a joyful concept. It made me smile.

Though, I soon realized the probability of my wishes of this drawing becoming true.

I watched a tear stain the sheet of paper with a scrunch and a sniffle. I just knew it would never be meant to be. With a sigh, I let go of the sort of tight grip I held upon it. But then, I heard the door starting to open; and my body froze. I was still holding the paper in hand and only having the strength to quickly flip it over to conceal all of the color of emotions that were brought upon it; even if it was just in pencil. It would expose too much. 

"Huh? Momota-Chan?" Kokichi seemed.. Confused? Was there something wrong with me? Did I look dead or something? Why is he looking at me like that?!.. I felt rather paranoid until the next question he asked was brought into light.

"Why are you crying?"

I was.. Crying? I thought it had stopped as soon as he entered but maybe I don't have as much control over my emotions as I thought I had. 

"No reason! It just sometimes happens, you know?" I made up a shit excuse, although it does happen sometimes.. My eyes begin to sting from it though and it hurts. Not a pleasant experience to say the least.

"As if you expect me to believe your shit excuse. Just fess what's up." He spoke to me with a cold expression. It sort of warmed my heart though. It showed that he cared about me. And it's enough to make me feel better in all honesty.

"No no, it's alright. I'm fine now" I reassured him with a soft smile. "I don't want you to see me like this any longer. I'm fine now." I repeated, waving my hands in front of me with a small chuckle. I honestly wish I could tell him, but I couldn't. I'd try to keep these feelings hidden as long as I could.

"No no I'm asking for you to shush with the 'I'm fine' and tell me what's up" Kokichi stepped closer to me. It wouldn't be as intimidating if it wasn't for the scary expression he was making. He always does this to convince them out of whatever reason he has to. 

Why is he so focused on me? 

I know it's something I said I wanted, but being confronted with it makes me want to back out and hide under the blanket like a coward. No way in hell am I a coward! I'd never admit that in a trillion years! I would say a lightyear but that's just a distance, not a time. Only time for how long it would take at the speed of light in years to get to a distance so basically it's both. 

.. Not the time for space facts.

"It's- something stupid anyways. You don't need to bother to listen, Here- lemme tell you about space!" I held back more tears and tried to distract the conversation from specifically me. You know what, it IS the time for space facts!

"Did you know that the moon can't give off its own light? The moon actually gets its light from the sun and it bounces off, making its way towar-" I was stopped abruptly by him pressing his finger against my lips. 

Guess I really can't escape my own feelings, one way or another.