Eight Letters / Taegyu; Until the End

fifteen

and then ask you for space?

word count; 1263

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it hadn't felt the same.

he tried his best to fix whatever had happened between us even though he didn't have a clue what had pushed me to the edge.

when the bell for lunch had rang and i found myself being pulled into the bathroom with soobin who locked the door behind us as i was trying to walk to the cafeteria.

"what the hell?"

"taehyun, what the fuck happened between you and beomgyu? everything was way better than fine until you just decided to run out on him with no explanation and now you spend your days sneaking out a milk from the lunchroom and going to the library to read everyday at lunch. you can hide secrets from beomgyu but i'm sure as hell not going to let you hide from me the reason that you are letting go of the one thing that's made you so happy these last few months."

i was somewhat shocked by his tone. he was always so soft spoken and calm when he spoke but now he seemed to be overwhelmed with restrained anger as he stared into my eyes demanding an answer.

i didn't expect him to be so aware of the situation at hand but i realized that i had forgotten that beomgyu was his best friend too. and when two of your best friends who are dating start to act like complete strangers it probably is alot more obvious than you would think.

"i-"

the words didn't come out how i wanted them to. i felt my throat close up with a constrictive burning feeling and my teeth struck into my bottom lip to hide the destress but it was too painful to hold it inside.

a pain gasp for breath and a sobbed wracked from my lungs and i clobbered into soobin's arms. his hands almost immediately wrapping tightly around my body for support as i cried heavily into his chest.

i gripped at fistfuls of the fabric of his hoodie. it felt like everything was falling apart. and i knew exactly why.

"h-hyung i-i'm so s-so-rry."

we sunk to the floor in eachothers embrace and he ran his fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm the tears flowing. he shushed and hummed softly to me as if i was a baby.

honestly if it weren't for my stature you might confuse me for a sad little toddler throwing a tantrum in his parent's arms.

"taehyun it's okay. shh. i know. calm down. breathe. i'm right here. breathe. tell me what's going on. tell me what to do to help."

i nodded into his warm body and did what he told me to. eventually i was able to almost return to my normal state.

"i don't know soobin-hyung. i don't know..."

he made a sad face at the crack in my voice and pulled me into another hug. 

the world felt calmer and after a bit i was able to make it off the floor and the older led me to the cafeteria so that i might be able to enjoy the last twenty or so minutes of the lunch period.

when i got to the table beomgyu looked so nervous it pained me. he was fidgeting and picking at his fingernails. when yeonjun smiled gently and waved at his boyfriend and i, beomgyu looked over with a look in his eyes that screamed in fear.

i couldn't believe that i had fucked it up this bad.

how did i make him so scared just to see my face?

i hesitantly walked over and sat next to him where i usually did.

before everything fell apart.

"taehyun, good to have you back at our table."

yeonjun smiled at me and i nodded feeling a small anxious pang in my chest. i glanced to beomgyu trying not to make it obvious that i was looking at him. he quietly sat there messing with his fingers with his hands that were laid in his lap.

"hey b-beomgyu."

he glanced at me and smiled. he probably was afraid that i would yell again.

that i might snap in the lunchroom in front of the entire school if he even so much as looked at me wrong.

and although it hurt deep down, i knew that it must've been difficult. he had known me his entire life. or at least he thought he had. he knew the public taehyun. the one that was his childhood friend. not the stranger that was buried deep beneath the facade.

the one that was unstable and angry and sad and anxious and in love with his best friend no matter how much he knew and told himself it was wrong.

it wasn't his fault that taehyun had kept everything so hidden from him that he knew the real boy just as much as the mere acquaintances at school.

or at least that's what taehyun thought. he thought beomgyu was afraid of him. he thought that he was angry. he thought that beomgyu was supposed to be angry. he couldn't imagine any possibility in which it could somehow be the opposite case.

the others at the table sparked conversation and huening kai was being begged by the eldest of the group to spill any updates on his relationship with yuna. they were trying to lighten the atmosphere.

i looked around anxiously at the people in the high school cafeteria. probably the scariest place that you could be in. so many people that were so judgemental over everything anybody did.

i couldn't believe that just last week i wasn't afraid of the people i saw everyday. i wasn't afraid to be affectionate with my boyfriend in front of people. doing what i wanted without a care in the world.

i could dress how i wanted. i looked down at my black sweatpants. my oversized hoodie.

i always showed off my closet full of crop tops and ripped jeans that fit in the best way and wore things that made me feel so much confidence that it felt that i was on top of the world. beomgyu would hype me up everyday to hide the lingering doubts.

he would make me feel like i could fly. i could fly higher than the clouds. than the birds.

he made me feel like i was among the stars in the sky. beautiful despite any imperfections that may have hidden beneath the brightness.

he-

"hyunnie are you okay?"

i snapped back into my head. i snapped my head towards where the question had come from.

"huh? oh yeah i'm fine beomgyu don't worry."

he looked at me sadly. he pulled out his phone and typed out a text message. i couldn't see who it was to. i couldn't see what he was typing. i just recognized the sound of the keyboard on his unsilenced phone and then i heard the sound of the message being sent.

before i could ask any questions he stood up with his bag and his tray and threw out his trash before leaving the cafeteria.

the others looked at him and then at me, wondering what had happened or if he was okay. but i shrugged my shoulders as i felt my phone buzz in my pants pocket.

i pulled it out and looked at it expecting to see an instagram notification for my account or an email from one of my subscriptions. but instead i saw a looming shadow in the form of a imessage notification.

the name pointing in only one direction.

choi beomgyu.

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a/n; you guys are going to hate me for the what i'm about to do