Eight Letters / Taegyu; Until the End

sixteen

if all it is is eight letters,

word count; 912

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gyu <3

what did i do wrong? why won't you tell me?

talk to me...it's not hard to say

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i shut the messages app and close my eyes tightly. trying to think of what to do.

i didn't want to hurt him. god knows i only wanted the opposite. i wanted to take away the hurt. i wanted to be a light in the dark for him as he had been for me.

but instead all i did was fuck everything up.

just like i always had.

the others looked at me as i stood up somewhat quickly from the table but i sent the three a smile to try and avoid their suspicions. although i knew that it wouldn't change anything.

upon leaving the lunchroom with my things i found my best friend sat on a bench outside in the commons area. he had his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together as his head hung and he was looking at the concrete ground below his feet.

"gyu?"

he sniffed quickly and looked up with a smile. he tried to pretend that it was okay. but being friends with someone so long made it almost impossible to lie. beomgyu had taught me that.
and i knew at first glance just by the way he was sat that it wasn't okay.

"hey taehyun. sorry um i wasn't very hungry today."

i frowned and shook my head. we both knew that i wasn't falling for his bullshit.

"beomgyu. what's wrong? like you said in your message, it isn't hard to say."

i sat down beside him and looked at him in concerned sadness. it was a rare occasion that i had seen him this way. it was hard to imagine the bubbly boy in such a torn up state.

even when he was neglected by his parents. even when he was teased. even when he was struggling in school. he had never showed such disdain. he always toughed a smile. beomgyu never let the world kill his happiness.

so it hurt so goddamn much knowing that of all things, i was the one who finally set his world aflame.

"i'm so sorry taehyun. i didn't want to let you down. i don't know what i did to make you so upset. i thought everything was okay. but i guess i was wrong. because obviously nothing is okay. and it's all my fault. 

i just wish i knew what it was that i had done wrong. i want to give you your space. i want you to have time to feel better. i want me to have time to feel better. but i know that neither of us will feel okay until we talk about whatever the hell it was that pushed us apart in the first place. and i know that you know that too. so why won't you just talk to me."

we locked eyes. a tear fell from his. and one welled up in mine.

my thumb wiped away his tears gently. it killed me to see him this way.especially knowing that i sat back and let him believe that it was his fault.

"beomgyu it's not your fault. i don't want you to think that it is. because it definitely isn't. it's my fault. my parents found out and they weren't happy with it. i let their voices into my head. i let them push me away from the most important person in my life.
i'm sorry. i didn't know that it would come to this. i tried so hard to hide it because i loved- i love you more than anything in this world. i didn't want everything to fall into place this way. i would do anything to go back to the way it was before."

he looked down at his hands that he was fidgeting with as i spoke. my heart shattered with every shaky breath he took.

beomgyu was trying to hide the pain.

but it was obviously hard for him to do so.

"i thought that we were strong enough that it didn't matter what others said. what others thought. i thought that you loved me enough that you wouldn't be affected by your parents who are never even home long enough to say hello. after all these years of me being there for you when they weren't, you still take their opinion over mine. over your own." he said.

his eyes locked with mine. he looked so fucking...disappointed. i felt like i had let him down so much that nothing i could ever do would be enough to make it up to him.

"i love you taehyun. i love you so much that i would rather get disowned by my parents who never gave a shit about me than let you go. i thought that we were in the same boat. i thought we both felt the same way. 

but i guess after all of these years i was wrong. you never had the same determination i did. you never were strong enough to ignore them in order to keep a hold on what mattered most. or at least what you claimed had mattered most. but i think that we both know this.

i think we both know that if you really loved me as much as you said you did, you wouldn't have let go so easily. you wouldn't have listened to them so intently. you wouldn't have let me down.

most importantly, you wouldn't have let yourself down."

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a/n; please don't kill me

chapter seventeen is the last part and you guys are gonna be so mad omg