Black Butterfly

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

Authors Note: I love John Mayer and all artist like him. I use music to inspire my ideas and I usually don't post the song I used as my inspiration but I decided to take a chance with this chapter since it's kind of sad.

I got a call today from a person from my past. It kind of threw me off guard; because I haven't heard from him in such a long time. Well that's not true we text each other ever now and again, but this time was different. He called me.  The first time was before school. I didn't tell Jas because she would have used that as an opportunity to curse him and his family. She knew something was wrong though. I had been distracted that whole day. Irish(that's what I'm calling him now) wasn't enough of a distraction when my heart was pounding for someone else. I heard his voice and realized he still held my heart.

You deserve to know the background before I continue. I met him through a friend. I still remember the first day he called my phone. It was two in the afternoon on a Friday during summer break and back then I didn't have my own phone. The stupid fool called my mother's phone and she gave to me believing he was my friend Chris. I wasn't expecting him to call me so I answered the phone with apprehension. I can't remember what we talked about but apprently it got him interested because he called me the next day and things just escalated from there.

Time passed and we became closer. So close that we made it official. I had never been so happy. He made me feel good about myself and he actually cared. Soon after we said those three words. You know the words, the ones that make people go crazy but in a good way. They make men go out and buy engagement rings and women float around like princesses. He said it first. He made my heart stop and swell with pride and love. That's why I told him the same thing back. I told him I loved him with all my heart. I should have known it was a lie when all he did was chuckle in response to my statement. He didn't say I had his heart no he just told me he love me.

Things started changing when school started again. We were both solphmores attending two different schools in the same city. It became difficult for me....for us. The phone calls stopped coming frequently and then they just stopped. I was lost. I didn't know what was wrong, I didn't know if he was hurt,gone, or worse dead. My phone calls went unanswered or forwarded to voicemail. My heart broke with every unanswered call. Then one day my little cousin came rushing in telling me that she saw him kissing some girl. I laughed at her and told her she had to have seen someone that looked like him. I knew for fact that he wouldn't do that to me.

I saw it for myself. I saw him and her holding hands and smiling walking out of a store. My heart broke. He didn't see me and that night I called him. He didn't answer I was yet again forward to the voice mail. That was all it took for me to accept that he didn't want me that he didn't love me anymore. I cried for days. He took the life out of me and didn't even think to say sorry. He couldn't pick up the phone and tell me himself. The more I thought about it the angier I got. So I cursed his name. I cursed my heart for falling and my mind for being foolish. I was in pain. I'm not talking about the pain you feel from a bruise, burn, or cut. Not the pain you feel from cramps and other physical injuries. No this pain is deeply rooted. It seeps into your bones and leaves scars and it's permanent markings. This pain sinks into your soul and breathes in the peace, love, and harmony you once had there. This pain takes a nose dive until it reaches your core and gives it the beating of it's life. Leaves it broken and shattered.

Then he came back into my life. All he had to do was tell me he missed me and I was his again. He had me wrapped around his finger and he had no attentions of letting me go. He used me and I allowed him to because I loved him. He would always leave me broken until he was ready to fix me again. At the age of 15 I was trapped damaged and damn near close to going over the edge. I was ready to give him up. I kept telling myself that, it gave me strength when he wasn't around. When he found somebody better to be with. I was that chick. That rebound chick. He wanted me to keep him occupied whenever he was in between girls. What always had me confused was the fact that we never did anything but kiss. Why did he want me when he knew I would never give him anything,or maybe he knew that I'll do anything to be with him.

It took me some time but I finally got over him. The day I cried in front of a friend over him was the last day I thought of him. It was the day I finally was able to breath again and ignore his calls and text messages. I deleted his number even though I knew it by heart. I refused any kind of contact to him for six months. For six months I had my life back. I was my own woman and it felt damn good. When I felt like I was able to finally talk to him again I did. Now I know that was stupid of me, but I needed closer. I had to know why did he do me like that. I deserved to know why I wasn't what he wanted. Why couldn't he be happy with me. I never got my answer and I'm still waiting on them. I did realize that I wasn't turely over him.

That's why all that day my heart was pounding and my legs trembled. I went about my day in a daze. Not really paying attention to anyone. When Jas came to me that afternoon she gave me a sympathetic smile like she knew what I was going through. She gave me the tightest hug and told me to call her. Nodding my head we waved goodbye to each other and she got on the bus. I decided to walk. I need to clear my head and think about my next moves. Just like yesterday Irish was there to give me a ride. This time I declined and told him I'd rather walk. He gave me a worried look and asked me if I was ok. I smiled and said,"yes, I'm fine. I just would prefer to walk. I got a lot on my mind." With that said I waved goodbye and kept on my journey. I finally made it home and went straight to my room to lay down. I got another call for him later that night. At eight to be more specific. I answered,"hello." He was quiet at first then he spoke,"Hey, how you been." I smiled and said," I'm ok and you." He laughed and said," I can hear the smile in your voice. You're always smiling at something I say. I'm doing better now that I'm talking to my favorite girl." I started to smile but fixed my face. I refused to do it again. But my body wasn't listening to my brain. It betrayed me and I giggled. I said,"so what's up." He chuckled and I knew he had that sexy smirk on his face. He said,"damn I can't call you just to talk baby girl. Its like that now." I laughed and said,"no its not like that I'm just tired. I had a long day and I want some sleep. I promise you I'll text you in the morning." He made a noise and said," you better because I missed you and I want to talk to you." I smiled and said,"mhmmm you always miss me." He laughed and said,"I just want to hear your voice every once in a while. Is that a crime." I smiled and said,"no, but I gotta go because I'm tired I'll talk to you later." He said," alright then babe, talk to you soon." Then he hung up and left me with a pounded heart and a heated up body. Yea I still had it bad for him.

Authors Note: Sorry I didn't describe him and his name is Josh btw. He is a real ex and my first love. But in this story Chris Brown will play him.