Josephine

𝓔𝓹𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓭𝓮 49: 𝓐 𝓜𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓘 𝓦𝓪𝓼 𝓞𝓷𝓬𝓮

Palace Hospital Wing

New York, First American Empire

June 18, 1974

I woke up in the palace hospital, where the doctor was waiting patiently, with a grave expression on his face. He was pacing back and forth muttering incoherent words, it was unnerving, to say the least.

"Doctor? What's going on?" I asked.

He turned and his face looked even more distraught than before.

"Your majesty... I have... terrible news..."

"Doctor is my child alright?" I asked, biting my lip.

I had fallen due to the pain in my abdomen and I would be inconsolable if something were to happen to it.

He paused, not sure how to continue on.

"Your majesty... have you ever felt cramps or aches in your abdomen?"

"Yes," I nodded, "For about a month and a half now," I said shrugging my shoulders.

It was normal, or at least I thought I might have something going on somewhere. I thought it was normal aches and pains...

"A month and a half?" He asked, trying to confirm what I just said.

"Yes, I assumed that was the child kicking or moving around-"

"Your majesty, cramps, and aches are a common symptom of... of a miscarriage," He explained rather bluntly.

I felt like a freight train flew into me. No... it can't possibly be true! My baby is not dead!

"Stop-no, that's not true!" I charged, anger churning deep in my vocal cords. 

My unborn child was not dead! I refused to accept such a ludicrous idea! But the doctor was not receding his statement. He sighed and looked down at the clipboard he was holding. 

"Your majesty, answer me truthfully, did you sustain a fall from your horse during a battle on Flaherty Island?"

Angry confusion swirled in my mind as I fought to remember the bloody battle.

"Yes it is true, but what does that have to-" I began before I cut myself off.

When I realized the truth... when Valentine was shot out from under me and I fell to the ground... I had landed on my stomach. The blow must've caused my body to miscarriage my soon-to-be bundle of joy. In a matter of moments, I went from angry to heartbroken.

"Oh my god no!" I cried out.

I glanced at my stomach which was completely flat for the first time in months. They had already removed its corpse. I noticed the edge of a scar, probably where they cut me open to remove it. 

"Doctor just tell me one thing... what would the child have been? A boy or a girl?" I struggled out the words.

"If you had not miscarried... it would have been a girl your majesty..."

Why did I ask that? Now it's so much worse, now that I knew that I could've been the mother to a beautiful baby girl, my sorrow had increased trifold.

"Please leave me, doctor..." I muttered glumly, waving towards the door.

"Of course your majesty," He replied instantly.

He bowed awkwardly, then left in a hurry to avert my raging glare.

Once he had left, the dam broke and tears began to roll uncontrollably down my face, streaking it red as I shook just as uncontrollably. How could I have been so irresponsible!? The soldiers said it wasn't a good idea, but I didn't listen. Why? Because I couldn't let my ego and my pride be bested because of a baby! It was stupid and immature...

I was stupid and immature...

What would Vittorio think of me? He was so excited to have an heir and most importantly to be a father. How could I break the news that the only shot he had at an heir was well... shot? I slammed my head against the pillow on the hospital cot and my head let it rip, letting me know all the ways I was to blame for this.

Too egotistic. 

Too prideful.

Too stupid. 

Too reckless...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At least six hours had passed and I couldn't bear myself to leave that cot. I was beyond distraught.

"Let me through! Let me get to my wife!" Someone shouted angrily.

They had an Italian accent and moments later, Vittorio burst into the room in a frantic hurry. He clearly had been in a rush, his hair was wild and untamed, his clothes were messy and wrinkled. He clearly hadn't cared about looking luxiourious and handsome. 

"Vittorio? What are you doing here?" I asked, quickly wiping my face with my hand.

Trying to get rid of the guilty tears. 

"Josephine are you alright!?" He asked in a panic, completely ignoring my previous question.

I tried to reaffirm myself, but this time due to the matter of what I was trying to force down I failed to do so and Vittorio realized it very fast. 

"Josephine? Are you alright!?" Vittorio asked more anxiously than before.

"... I am alright," I murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, and I emphasized the I.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked suspiciously, his voice cracking.

However, my tear ducts couldn't handle the guilt and I wrapped my arms around him and I just began to sob into his shoulder.

"Whoa whoa whoa! What's wrong darling?" He cooed, trying to soothe me.

He sat next to me on the cot as I struggled to calm down. As much as I loved my husband, I had no clue in the slightest how he'd react to the bombshell I was about to drop on him. I sniffled and hiccuped and he rubbed my back, whispering in my ear to calm me down.

"Shh, shhh... it's okay, calm down, talk to me, Josephine,"

"I-I-" I tried to talk but I couldn't.

That was when Vittorio realized that this was something serious. He tried to mentally prepare for what was coming. 

"I-I... I m-miss-miscarried Vit-Vittorio," I spurted out.

My husband was dead silent as he processed my words. That word... so ugly... miscarried... 

"So that's why you collapsed on stage..." He said putting two and two together.

I nodded in the crook of his neck. He didn't seem angry or anything which caught me off guard.

"I'm just glad your okay Josephine,"

"I thought you'd be furious-"

"Are you scared of me my darling angel?" He asked rather directly, which caught me off guard again.

"No... it's just... you were so excited for your heir and now it's gone,"

"Sweetheart we are still young we have plenty of time to start a family... And I want to, but we should take some time to... recover,"

"I agree... but it is still heartbreaking..."

Emotion began to overwhelm me again and I began to cry again into his shoulder.

"Shh, shh... it's okay... I'm here... I'll always be here..."

He spent the remainder of the night reassuring me that everything was alright, and the future was bright. 

And at that moment, I believed him. I believed him with all of my heart.