As I Am

In The Beginning...

I've always loved music. I can't remember a time when music wasn't important to me. My mother sung me songs when I was a baby, my father played music for me from before I was born. From the time I turned 7 and went to school, I always carried a music player of some sorts. Back in the day it was portable mp3 players, later smartphones and the like.

People have always wondered why I didn't go into music production or composing myself. The fact is, that even though I adore music, I can't really play it myself. Yes, I have a keyboard at home, and a guitar hanging on the wall of my closet. But I can't really play anything beyond Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the keyboard, and even less with the guitar.

That said, I would love to be able to play -- I just never have learned to do anything with an instrument. I know when a particular song goes wrong, but I can't tell you why it went wrong. I don't know how to make it right.

And composing... well, I might like that and I've tried in a couple of occasions, but... I'm no Mozart or Lennon, that's for sure. I have a couple of tunes hidden in some folder on my computer, but that's it.

Funnily enough though, I can sing. I can sing so well I got to a university on a grant when I agreed to a music-oriented curriculum. I really didn't want to, and would have preferred a STEM one, but a grant is a grant is a grant... Also, I do like to sing.

I've been taking some science classes on the side, but I have to admit the music ones are pretty nice. Our teacher, Ms. Harrison, is strict, but fair and she can really make you believe in yourself. Most of the students love her. There's a couple who don't, but eh, you get them at every class. Harriet and Jack are stupid fucks in any case, so, no great loss there.

The only slight problem I have with Ms. Harrison is, that she's a classical musician and singer, and I... well, let's just say Joan Jett resonates with me much more than.. well, I don't even remember whatsherface's name. The famous opera singer. Never mind, nobody cares. Well, I don't, at least.

Ms. Harrison doesn't have a high opinion on rock, metal and music of that kind. Which is a shame, because I love it. I think it was my dad that got me onto that road, he used to play in some famous bands back in the day, and he was always jamming at home.

I miss him. I miss mom. Dad and mom died when I was 15 or so. Plane accident. They were coming home from a tour of some sorts. It fucked me up for a couple of years. Enough that I spent like half a year in a psych ward. I'm better now, and as much as I hate to admit it, not an insignificant part of that is thanks to Ms. Harrison and her relentless kicking of my butt to get me to accept the musical curriculum.

I'm nineteen now, and I got my first year of Uni behind me. I'm better. I still get sad on occasion, but I think that's just normal -- I did love my parents a lot. I have a brother somewhere, but I haven't seen him in years, nor has he kept in contact. He's ten years my senior and he left home early, so I don't really even remember him that much.

Grandpa and Grandma -- on my mom's side -- live over in Europe and I don't see them that often either. Maybe once a year or so. We talk on the phone occasionally, but they're not that close to me. My dad's parents died when my brother was young, I know next to nothing about them.

My only living blood relative is aunt Eveline, who took care of me after the accident. I lived with her until I managed to get a place of my own when I started Uni.

Aunt Eve is... a personality. Dad and mom didn't approve of her that much, but I always liked her since I was little. She's flaming gay, which is probably why dad disapproved of her. Dad was a giant bigot, but wasn't really vocal about it. Mom was just religious in her own way and never mentioned Eve's orientation in any way.

I... don't really care. Relationships are something I haven't really thought about at all. When the worst of the puberty hit me, mom and dad had just passed away and that took all the oomph out of anything puberty had planned. I know I'm not asexual or aromantic, I just don't think this is the right time in my life to think about such things.

Yeah, I flick the bean occasionally when I'm alone, but it's not... it's not anything I especially care about. In the future, sure, it would be nice to spend my time with... someone. But... I can't see myself being the happy little obedient wife to a man who goes to work and "provides for his family". That's not me.

I'm nineteen and I've never had a boyfriend in my life, and I've heard crap about it numerous times. Enough that my closest friend in Uni, Madeline, gave up on teasing me about it and doesn't even mention it anymore unless she's trying to provoke me to do something.

My name is Thalia Watson, and this is my story.