As I Am

My Heart Is Crying

The next few days were a bit different though, we didn't get to practice in the booths after classes like we were told to, there were some other people around who declared it an exception and took over the booths.

I didn't really see Ava at school either -- she was a third year in any case, it's not like I had seen her anywhere before either. It took me a couple of days to understand, but I was actually disappointed that I didn't get to practice with her. I was grumpy and silent. Enough so, that Madeline noticed.

"Tee," she said when we sat down to eat on the fourth day and I was starting to be miserable for some reason. "What is up with you? You're pissed off, you don't laugh, you're just staring forward and not doing anything."

I shrugged at her. I didn't actually know what was up. "I dunno," I said. "I'm not just feeling it, I guess. Maybe I haven't been sleeping well or something. I don't know."

"I know, people have bad days, but you've been like this for a few days now, ever since..." She said and let the sentence die out. She slapped her hand over her mouth, drew a long breath and looked at me with her eyes wide open. She let it slowly out and when she removed her hand, she was grinning from ear to ear.

"What?" I asked irritated. I was really not feeling her poking at me for some stupid reasons. Really not. I nibbled on my food, which was totally bland and tasteless. Was I getting sick? Nothing tasted good. I pushed the plate away from me and sighed. "What?!" I asked her again, since she was grinning at me like a crazy person.

"So, you're irritated," she said and munched on her food. Good that somebody likes it. "You can't sleep well. Food tastes bland," she said and nodded towards me plate. I grunted and lowered my head to the table, leaning it on my hands. "You feel like you're missing something. It's not exactly boredom, but you cannot make yourself get interested in anything. You're grumpy, you don't have energy to do anything and you're not excited about anything."

"So, you've kept your eyes open. Hurrah," I said and turned my face down, using my arms as a pillow. "What of it? Do you want a reward?" I said with slightly more sharply than I meant to. But she just chuckled.

"Look, there's Ava!" She said and I immediately lifted my head. I looked around but didn't see her. I grumbled and turned to look at Madeline when I saw that she was biting her lower lips as hard as she could, trying not laugh.

"What's wrong with you?" I spat at her. I started to get up, I was so done with her shenanigans for the day. I just wanted to go home and hide under my blanket until the next day. Perhaps I'd feel better after sleeping. "I'm going to the infirmary, I don't feel well," I said.

She snorted. "This is more entertaining than I thought it would be," she said and chuckled. "Sit down you idiot. There's nothing wrong with you," she said. I rolled my eyes at her, but sat down again.

"How the fuck do you know?" I said. "I don't feel well and I'm all out of energy, what is there that is not wrong with me?" I asked her.

She sniggered and leaned closer. "If I'll help you feel better, will you come and have a movie marathon with me?" She asked, smirking.

Oh gods, Maddy's movie marathons. I grimaced. They were so cringe, she always selected so bad movies. But she liked them. I groaned aloud. "Oh, alright, I'll come to your movie night if you can figure out what's wrong with me," I said.

"Good," she said and got up. "Alright, now follow me," she said, took my hand, pulled me up, and started dragging me toward the doors and outside.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"The club rooms," she said and smiled at me mysteriously.

I groaned. The old club rooms? Only first-years ever went there, and not many of them either. They were almost abandoned, there were only few rooms that were even open. I didn't even remember what was there. The old art room with dried paint and clay everywhere. The old band room with the old-ass amp and a ten-buck mic that we used a year ago when we joined the music production. The dressing rooms for the gym clubs, and the showers for them and the swimming people.

"The club rooms?" I whined. "There's nothing there... Why are we going there? I thought you said you'd tell me what's wro---" I stopped and almost pulled Madeline to the ground. I tilted my head. I heard something. Something that set my heart fluttering and my breathing alive. I walked past the grinning Madeline. She crossed her hands in front of her and was laughing aloud, but I didn't care, my feet took me towards the old band room.

I heard music in the air, music that set my mind fluttering and eased all the troubles inside me. I almost ran the last few meters. I opened the door and my heart jumped so strongly I thought I'd faint. There, in the corner of the abandoned room, behind an old Casio, was Ava. Her eyes closed, her fingers making their delicate performance on the old keys. Her lips were partially open and she was singing in a soft, warm voice.

I stopped at the door and swallowed the clump in my throat that had found it's way there. As her playing, her voice was almost equally heavenly. It was an airy, ethereal voice, not like mine. The old Casio struggled under her command, but she didn't care, and neither did I.

Her fingers changed their dance and she started playing the same song she played back in the booth. The same song rose in my throat, but I clasped my mouth shut. She opened hers and sung. It was pretty, bright and wonderful, but it was missing... something.

The song was such a beautiful creation and it required a slightly different voice to sing. I closed my eyes, shook my head and smiled lightly. Fuck all. That song was worth it. I opened my mouth and started weaving my voice along her music. She didn't stop singing, so our voices mingled and danced to the music, my melodic and warm voice; her soft and airy voice.

As the final chords echoed in the room, we both opened our eyes. This time it was my turn to wipe a tear from my eye. I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. Neither of us spoke anything. She rose from the chair, I walked closer. We stopped about a foot from each other. She raised her hand, I lifted mine. Our fingers brushed together and I felt the same electric, warm, teasing pulses go through me.

"Ava..." I whispered. She shook her head and raised her finger at me. She walked to the keyboard, bent down and picked up a cheap mic. She plugged it in and handed it to me. She nodded, I smiled at her. I walked to her and took the mic, then stood in front of the keyboard.

"Thalia," she said with a gentle smile. Her fingers hopped onto the old yellowing keys and started dancing to a new rhythm. She grinned as my smile widened when I recognized the first notes of "I Love Rock 'N Roll" and grabbed a better old of the mic.

"So put another dime in the jukebox, baby..."