As I Am

Take My Breath Away

Before I knew it, it was almost evening. I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, with Ava sitting next to me, also leaning against the wall. We were both panting, sweating and laughing. We had sung and played for hours, and I couldn't remember if I had ever had so much fun. Ava knew most of my favorite songs, and even those she didn't, she learned by following my singing. I felt so... complete, so.. right. Like... this is it. This is my place in this world. I am here because of this.

I turned to face her, and she did the same. Her face was just an inch from mine. Words stuck to my throat, and I felt my heart beat louder than ever. I glanced down at her lips and swallowed. My mind made me think of things I'd never thought about. What surprised me was the feeling it gave me. How it somehow felt... correct.

Ava cleared her throat and looked down, her cheeks blazing red — but I was pretty sure it was not all because of the singing and dancing we had done. "Ava..." I said quietly and swallowed. My heart was trying to beat through my chest and take a vacation, my palms sweated more than when I was jumping up and down and singing as loud as I could.

Ava turned to look at me again and I could see her cheeks were red, her large blue eyes staring right into mine. Her lips so close to mine, I could feel her breath on my skin and it sent confusing signals all over my body and all the hairs on my neck rose up. I lifted my hand. She did the same. Our fingers brushed together.

"Thalia," she whispered quietly. "All of this is new to me..." she said and swallowed. "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm supposed to do..."

I smiled at her. "Me neither," I said, closed my eyes and moved my head ever so slightly forward. Our lips brushed together and I my heart went around my chest like an anxious monkey on steroids. Every single hair on my body rose up. My breath caught up in my throat, I felt dizzy. I pulled away and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted. A tear was rolling out of her eye. I brushed it away.

I kissed her! I touched lips with the prettiest being in the universe. Her lips were so soft and warm, like the finest smoothest satin. And even after playing for hours and sweating like crazy, she still smelled so good. Suddenly, I couldn't stop grinning madly.

She opened her eyes and stared into mine. She smiled and fluttered her amazingly pretty eyelashes at me. "Thalia..." she breathed out. "I..." she said and closed her mouth, then looked away.

I suddenly felt very, very sick. What if she hated it? What if she didn't want to...? What if she thinks anything like that is freaky and now she hates me? I gasped aloud. "I'm... I'm sorry, Ava... please don't hate me, I just... I shouldn't have, I shouldn—" Ava put her finger on my lips and shook her head.

"It's... It's not that I disliked it," she said quietly. "I just... Thalia, I said that I don't know? I mean it, I've had no one. I've never felt..." she said and waved her hand around, then pressed it to her chest. "... anything like this, for... for anyone, basically. And I'm scared, Thalia. I'm scared of what's happening to me. I'm scared that I'll do something wrong and I'll scare you away. I'm scared you're not actually feeling the same thing as me and..." she said.

I leaned toward her and touched my forehead to hers. "Ava... I said 'me neither'. This is all new to me too. Heck, I still don't know what's going on with me," I said and pulled back enough that I could look into her eyes. I cupped her chin with my hands and looked straight into her eyes.

"But listen, Ava. No matter what.. what's going on, whatever all this is. However much I don't know that the crap is going on, I know one thing," I said, and briefly touched our lips together again. The same waves of pleasure jumped from her lips to mine as last time.

"I know that this here is something I want with every fiber of my body. I've never felt more like myself, than with you here. I've never felt that I belonged to anywhere. But when I'm with you, sitting, singing... kissing... it all feels so... so... right. Ava, I don't want this feeling to go away. I don't know the proper protocols or ways I should or should not follow. I don't know the faintest of what comes next, but... I do know that whatever comes, I want it to be with you. Ava, please stay with me?" I said, and the last part of it came out barely a whisper.

Ava closed her eyes and leaned forward. She kissed me and I felt shivers go down my spine and my toes curled on their own. I slipped my hands from her cheeks to her neck, then wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She put her hands on my waist, then slowly sneaked them around me and squeezed me hard against her.

We tumbled down on to the floor, coiled in a deep kiss. It was an awkward mess of hands, legs and hair, but it didn't really bother us. Our lips sealed against each other's, our bodies intertwined like coiling snakes, we rolled on the floor.

At one point we ended up with me lying on my back on the floor, and Ava on top of me, her hands on both sides of my head, her legs on both sides of my lower body. Her chest pressing against mine. She felt so soft, so impossibly, wonderfully soft and warm. Everywhere.

"Ava..." I breathed out, panting hard. Things were happening at places in my body I had paid little attention before at all. I was suddenly very keenly aware of our position and the closeness of our bodies. I looked into her eyes and found the same want and longing in hers that was in mine. I nodded at her.

She kissed me once, pulled away so she could smile at me, then kissed me again, and again. Then she kissed the side of my mouth, then my cheek. She kissed her way towards my neck and each step sent pulses of warmth and pleasure all around my body. By the time she reached my neck, I was squirming under her, and panting hard.

She pulled up and grinned at me widely. "Never took this road before..." she said, and I chuckled. That was one thing our brains worked so similarly. I didn't need to explain anything, and every slight reference or part of a song was instantly recognized by the other. It was like we never were supposed to be two separate people in the first place.

I smiled at her. "Destination Unknown..." I whispered to her as I pulled her against my chest and wrapped my legs around hers.