As I Am

Keep Searchin'

"Tee! Hey Tee!", Madeline shouted at me the second I got through the main doors at Uni. She has called me 'Tee' since we met in the first year. It's kinda endearing, even though I disliked it at first.

Today, she looked excited. Her brown curly hair had a purple stripe in it like usually, but she had tied it into a ponytail and it swished like the tail of a happy puppy as she ran towards me. Her dark lips were stretched the width of her face in a wide grin. Her brown caramel-colored skin contrasted with her almost white, pale blue eyes.

"Tee! They approved of the collaboration with the third years!" She shouted and almost jumped around with a grin on her face. Oh, right, the collaboration. I'd almost forgotten. We were to make a musical number and perform it at some point in the future. Our class and the teacher had lobbied for us to be able to do it with the third year class, because we wouldn't have enough members otherwise.

"Hey Maddy," I said and smiled at her. Of course, I knew what made her especially happy with these news about the collaboration. "On the ground Maddy. It doesn't mean you'll end up performing with Daniel," I said and grinned at her. She blushed and grinned at me sheepishly.

"You figured that out?" She said and fiddled awkwardly with her shirt's hem.

"Maddy," I said sighing at her, and pinched the bridge of my nose. "The only person who hasn't noticed you're crazy about Daniel, is Daniel."

She grimaced and chuckled nervously, turning to lean to the wall next to us. "Am I that obvious?" She said.

I snorted at her and chuckled. "Maddy," I said and shook my head. "Yes, yes you definitely are. I really surprised he hadn't figured it out yet. Either he's exceptionally dense, or then he's gay."

Madeline slammed her hand on her mouth and made a squeaking sound. "Maddy don't scare me like that! Daniel can't be gay!", she said with her eyes wide open.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Why?"

"Because!" She exclaimed and thumped her foot on the ground," because I love him and if he's gay my life will be over!" She said, and I laughed at her.

"Don't you laugh at me!", she said and pouted at me. "I swear to you, Tee. One of these days you'll fall for someone and then it's me who's gonna laugh at you. You'll see how it is to feel your heart's about to be burst when you only look at her!" She said and I almost missed it.

I blinked at her and stared at her with a blank face. "Wait, what?" I said. "Her?"

She looked at me like it would've been the most plainly obvious thing in the universe. "Aren't you gay, Tee?" She said.

Am I? I... I don't know. I really don't. It's not like it has been a priority to me in any case, but... I have to say that when I've imagined me being with a guy it hasn't felt right, nor anything I'd look forward to. But with a woman...? How would that even work? Not that I have anything against it, but... isn't that a bit... weird?

"How'd you arrive at that?" I stumbled out to her.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I mean... you never had a boyfriend. You haven't paid attention to any of the guys in our class, or outside for that matter. According to yourself, you're not ace either. And when we talked about our futures and all that shit, you didn't seem to be Aro either. That left me with pretty limited choices and I... well, I guess you've always radiated some gay energy," she said and grinned.

"I do?" I said astonished. What's 'gay energy'? And how does one radiate it? I seriously don't know. I mean... being with a woman doesn't disgust me as a thought.

"Anyway, enough about my pants," I said and turned to walk toward our classroom.

"Mark my words, Tee," Madeline said, "One of these days! I'm gonna enjoy teasing the fuck out of you!"

"In your dreams," I said and walked into the classroom.