As I Am

You Are the Reason

In the end, Ava never saw her mother again. She died during the next night, and as she guessed, her father sent a message to her, that she could come and collect the stuff she legally owned during the rest of the week and after that the door to that house would be closed to her, for ever.

Not that it mattered at all. The greater sorrow was the passing of her mother. And getting kicked out of the house of a person who hates you is not that bad, honestly. We carried her stuff to my apartment in a couple of days. There wasn't much she was given — her clothes, her smartphone and tablet, a couple of boxes full of miscellaneous small stuff, like photographs, jewelry, and makeup. And — to both of our surprise — the Fantom. I'd sure have thought he'd sell it, but I guess he thought it was irrelevant crap. Well, good for us.

My small apartment was full of our stuff and it was clear we needed to do something about it and fast, but somehow we both still smiled when it was evening and we had moved them all. There were boxes of clothes all around the living room, the kitchen table was dominated by the Fantom, and the bathroom was filled with all kinds of small boxes and jars and stuff.

We lied on my bed — because that was about the only place where we fit — exhausted, but content. We were on opposite sides of the bed, lying on it on our backs so that our heads were side to side. Ava turned her face towards me, I did the same to her. Our faces were only a couple of inches apart. My eyes glanced at her luscious lips and I swallowed.

I could feel her breath on my face, feel the heat radiating from her. Our eyes met, and we locked gazes. Neither spoke anything, or even moved. All you could hear was the two of us breathing heavily. I raised my hand and laid it down between our faces; she did the same and put her hand on top of mine.

We curled our fingers together and held each other tight, and with our eyes still locked, we both turned to our sides, so we faced one another. I closed my eyes and suddenly words just surfaced. I kept our locked gaze and started singing in the melody that Ava played on that old Casio.

There's this feeling, in my heart.

That I cannot place.

Like something's, tearing me apart.

There's nothing, no trace.

She looked at me with her eyes wide open, her lips slightly apart. Her grip tightened and I could see her breathing quicken, and her eyes well up. She smiled at me gently.

For the longest time, I

Didn't even think about it at all.

Just alone, I would cry.

With no rhyme or reason, I would bawl.

I propped myself up, so I leaned on my elbow. I brushed Ava's hair off her forehead and gently ran my fingers along her cheek as I sang.

But now,

that you're here,

with me.

I feel right; I feel whole.

But now,

I'm with you,

And my heart,

Has now, reached its goal.

I felt my cheeks getting warm as I went on, my breath getting heavier. At this point, I wasn't even sure where the lyrics were coming from, but I didn't really care. It just felt so right to sing her song with these words.

I don't know what,

This feeling, is called.

But I know that,

I don't want it to end, at all, anytime, ever,

Because,

Without breaking eye-contact, I turned around, so I was lying on the same side as her, our faces so close our noses almost touched. My hand on her cheek. I felt a lump in my throat as I was nearing the end of the song. I knew how it would end, what words needed to come out of my mouth, and... This time it felt right. So, so, so right. Like it was the key to my existence. Nothing else mattered.

I love you.

I sang to her, closed my eyes and as the last words escaped my lips, I pressed them against hers. She moved her lips along with mine, and I coiled around her, wrapping my arms around her everywhere I could. Our lips stayed glued together for — I don't really know, time didn't matter. My heart was about to burst from happiness and the only thing I felt was love.

I loved her. That's the feeling. Love. Try as I might — and I didn't even want to deny it longer — it was love. I had completely, utterly, and totally fallen in love with Ava. I loved her eyes, her lips. Her breathtakingly beautiful face. Her long legs, her spectacular smile. Her voice. I loved every inch of her body, every hair, every spot of her.

I pulled back from her lips, just half an inch, and pressed our foreheads together. "I know the words now, Ava," I whispered. I opened my eyes to see her wonderful bright blue stars looking directly at me. A wide smile crept onto my lips.

"I love you, Ava," I said happily. The words flowed easily now. I felt the full extend of the words deep in my heart. My heart that she now held in those blue eyes of hers.

"Thalia," she said, and touched my cheek. "I... I'm not good with words, Thalia," she said and pushed me up and to the side. She stood up and motioned me to follow. She took my hand and pulled me after her. In silence, we walked to the kitchen and then I realized. I smiled at her.

Without saying a word, I reached for an extension cord and plugged the Fantom in. Ava walked in front of it and closed her eyes. A flick with a wrist here and the instrument came alive, a twist of fingers there and she smiled. Her hands jumped around on the instrument like on a lover. I blushed at the mental image.

She put her hands on the keys and drew a deep breath, then pushed a button. Her fingers danced mesmerizingly along the keys, sometimes it looked like she had three hands and each had a dozen fingers. Sometimes she played so softly and so slowly it was almost hard to hear it.

But none of that had anything to say with the music coming from it. My breath almost caught up in my throat, tears fell freely from my eyes. It was the most beautiful piece of music I'd ever heard. Partway to the song, Ava opened her eyes and watched me. She kept her eyes locked onto mine while her fingers pranced, twirled and pirouetted on the keys like a group of ballet dancers.

The last chords of the song echoed through the apartment long after her fingers had ceased their flittering. I felt tears run down my cheeks and my heart was in my throat — yet I was smiling widely. I felt so happy, so... lucky.

Ava walked to me and smiled. She wiped the tears off my eyes, leaned closer and kissed me gently. "Does that song have a name?" I asked softly. She looked at me, fluttered her eyelashes and smiled widely. She nodded.

"Thalia," she said.