tragically beautiful | grayson dolan

thirty one

callie

The hospital feels small. There are hundreds of people rushing around, making sure patients are safe and secure, yet there's something off about it. It's lonely.

There's a void of sadness and destruction lingering in the cold and empty waiting room. Maybe that's just the way I'm feeling.

There's a blanket wrapped around me, protecting me from the bitter December air. My clothes still reek of smoke and I don't think it will be fading away anytime soon. It's a scent that is engraved onto my ashy skin.

I haven't spoken a word in four hours, since they brought me to the hospital and checked my eyes and lungs. Lucky for me, everything was okay.

I wasn't too affected and somehow managed to exit the house in one piece. Unfortunately, Grayson didn't have the same fate.

He fell unconscious and passed out from the lack of oxygen in his lungs. Smoke was taking over them, practically suffocating him. They got him on a machine and prayed he would wake up.

I was never a religious person and wasn't raised to be one. However, I never prayed to God so much in my life. Sitting here in this waiting room, isolated from the world, I begged for Grayson to be okay.

Hell, I would give everything to trade places with him. He is a good person with so much life to offer the world. Grayson's smile is contagious, more people need to see that beautiful smile. He can't be messed up because of me.

The guilt is hitting me hard. I fucked up his life. I came into it like a hurricane, invading his peace and bringing him chaos.

Not only to him, but also to Ethan. That's the darkness that overpowers me. I'm a destructive bomb that is bound to explode.

I let Jason die in that fire. Sure, it might not be my best moment, but I felt a wave of power knowing he was helpless.

He was begging for me to save him, just like how I begged him to get his coworker off me. We both didn't help each other.

My biggest nightmare was gone. Jason was dead, a moment I've been waiting for. But somehow, the satisfaction of it all is going away. He's no longer alive, so what?

Grayson could have severe issues forever. His breathing might be altered and it might take him a while to recover from this.

The medics told me he was lying on that ground for at least twenty minutes. If I didn't show up when I did, he would've died. That sends a cold shiver down my spine.

The questions about this situation won't stop. Cops have been questioning it, especially when they found Jason's burnt body. It isn't looking good for Grayson, who has a beat up face. A black eye is already forming from Jason's right hook.

A part of me wonders how the house got on fire. It's still under investigation, but I wonder if Grayson did it on purpose to protect me. He wanted to take out Jason for hurting me, which proves why his face is swollen.

Fuck, I hate how he loves me so damn much. Love makes you crazy, it allows you to do things you wouldn't normally do. Grayson was sweet and innocent before I ruined him.

Now he's lying in a hospital bed because of me. I don't think I can look him in the eye after this.

Ethan hasn't said a word to me, that's how I know it's bad. He's been staying in another room where he doesn't have to face me. I don't blame him, though. I'm the reason his brother almost died.

God, how could I be so selfish? Ethan already lost his mother. He was so close to losing his twin and best friend.

My leg bounces up and down as I continue to cough. My lungs still feel heavy, even after taking in hits of oxygen.