Patience

Chapter 69

And so I stand there. Unable to emote to extreme shame, guilt, and pain I felt with those two simple words. The two words I'd never thought I'd hear from him. I couldn't even muster the courage to think his name at this point. I didn't deserve the happiness it brought me.

He'd said those words to me a number of times in the past. When leaving for breaks or classes; but the only reason I accepted them was the knowledge that goodbye didn't last forever. That in a matter of time I'd once again see the bright shine of his smile, and the comfort his voice brought. But this time it was different. This time, there was a very high possibility that it would be forever, or at least too long to bear.

But, alas, I deserved this. I deserved to be punished. I didn't deserve him or anyone for that matter. I'd only bring them down to the deep hole I dug for myself, through all the deceit and betrayal. The façade I'd unknowingly built would only expand, so I'd have to distance myself from all good, to better myself. For any light that showed itself to me, I'd turn back to the dark in, worry of ruining it's purity.

"Em." I jump at the sudden sound, bringing me out of my morbid thoughts. Fred.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Listen I-"

"Don't you think you've done enough." He makes his way to tower over me in an intimidating manner.

"I'm so sorry, Fred." I say, looking down in shame.

"Listen, I've understood most of your reason as to not commit to him but, everything's good now, with your family. Why would you do this, Em? I know you like him, or at least you did, but why do you keep stringing him on?" He sighs, collapsing on the couch and rubbing his temple. There's a long silence, unsaid phrases flutter through the air.

Silence.

More eerie silence.

"I didn't want to hurt him." I admit, sitting beside him on the couch.

"But he was ready for you. You don't know how many times he's told me his plans for when you finally get together. He's been waiting for you for years Em, like he said. He's ready to accept your faults and differences. He's accepted you for who you are. Why isn't that enough for you?" Fred faces me with features full of both rage and confusion, "You said it yourself that you liked him back with just as much passion. If you really do like him, like you said, then why don't you go get him?"

"It's-it's-it's complicated. I want you to understand but, hell, I don't even understand. It's just, he's too perfect for me to ruin, and a relationship with him means a relationship with your family when I can hardly handle mine. If we were to start something, it'd be bound to fail, and I don't want to set us both up for heartbreak in the end." I cry, voice hardly above a whisper as I realize my true feelings, the ones I'd buried deep down, knowing they were wrong. The feelings that had shown that I no longer, in fact, had a crush on George Weasley.

~*.'~*.'~

Fred left me not long after our conversation, he felt guilt for not being with George when he most likely needed it. I stayed hidden in my corner, hoping it was secret enough to hide me from the world beyond my beloved books pages, alas, it wasn't.

"EMMELINE GREY ROSEWOOD I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING SOMEWHERE IN HERE!" Crap. I'd know that furious voice from anywhere. It was Seiko. I debate sinking into the overstuffed couch and letting it consume me whole before she could find me, but that seemed a bit irrational. I'd have to face my fears at some point.

"Erm, here." I squeak. She storms from around the corner and pulls me off the couch to become level with her.

"WHAT IN GODRICS NAME WERE YOU THINKING?" She shakes my shoulders to make sure I was listening, "DO YOU KNOW HOW INVESTED GEORGE WAS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, HELL, HOW INVESTED ALL OF US WERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES FRED, LEE, MARISSA, AND I HAVE MEET BEHIND YOUR BACKS TO CREATE "SPONTANEOUS" MEETUPS BETWEEN YOU TWO THROUGHOUT THE DAY. 1 IN THE MORNING 1! THAT'S WHEN I HAD TO GET UP FOR THAT SHIT. YOU'RE BEING A SELFISH BITCH AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT! DO YOU HEAR ME?" She rattles me again.